Fears

I had a check up with my Oncologist last Monday Oct. 11th and before I left we set up my next PET scan for December 17th at Hillcrest Hospital. The last PET scan in June had low result numbers which my doctor attributed to inflammation from radiation. It had only been five months from the time of my last radiation treatment until that PET scan. (No numbers is the goal). I wasn't happy about seeing numbers but tried to rest in the fact that the doctor thought it was from radiation still.

I have been experiencing discomfort on my right side for quite some time now. Under my right arm is tender to the point of feeling sore, often. The doctor said as nerves heal they can sometimes cause pain. I have to admit, I have allowed myself to entertain the thought that there might be more cancer, and at those times I fear. It doesn’t even matter what I fear, just the fact that I fear means I’ve gotten my eyes off of God and on my circumstances. Cancer or no cancer, I have to take God at His word. I either believe Him or I don’t. I choose to believe Him.

Father God, you know my innermost thoughts. You know all my doubts and fears. I lay my burden of fear at your feet and entrust my future to your care. You have promised to watch over me now and forever. Psalms 121: 7-8 says “The Lord will protect you and keep you safe from all dangers. The Lord will protect you now and always wherever you go.” (CEV). Help me to rest in You, Lord. To trust in Your power and Your promises.

Jeremiah 29:11 once again speaks to me when it says “I will bless you with a future filled with hope – a future of success, not of suffering.” (CEV) . Father you tell us that all things work together for good for those who love You and are called according to Your purposes. We may not understand why we are going through these trials as we travel them, but I will trust that You are using these times to produce good fruit in my life and the lives of those walking this path with me. I am thankful that I can rest secure in the fact that You are faithful.

I thank You for Your healing and for giving me the peace that passes all human understanding. That peace will guard my heart and mind from the attacks of the one who tries to destroy me. I praise you for blessing me and my family with your overflowing goodness. Amen.

All Shook Up

I'm all shook up! No, I'm not singing an Elvis song.

J received some news this week that really shook me to the core. My heart is aching for her as she walks down this newest path that is being put before her. She shared with me yesterday and it really hit me hard. First my heart was breaking for her and her husband as they weigh options, make plans and figure out how to deal with this news.

Next Satan came at me hard, toying with me that this "thing" that my body has to host for another 3 weeks is growing out of control as I wait and wait. I woke up yesterday with shooting pains and experienced them on and off all day. So of course ole Beelzabub takes the very real and twists them into lies to torture me. And I was too tired to put up a good fight. I let him taunt me.

That was yesterday.

Today I'm fightin' mad! Hebrews 4: 14-16 says (CEV) 14We have a great high priest, who has gone into heaven, and he is Jesus the son of God. That is why we must hold on to what we have said about him. 15Jesus understands every weakness of ours, because he was tempted in every way that we are. But he did not sin! 16So whenever we are in need, we should come bravely before the throne of our merciful God. There we will be treated with undeserved kindness, and we will find help.

In Mark 4:40 (CEV) Jesus asked this simple question. "Why were you afraid? Don't you have any faith?" I admit, I had none yesterday. Hebrews 11:1 says Faith makes us sure of what we hope for and gives us proof of what we cannot see. And if we back up to chapter 10, the writer encourages me by saying "35Keep on being brave! It will bring you great rewards. 36Learn to be patient, so that you will please God and be given what he has promised." And the promises of God are many!

God, forgive me for doubting that You are in control, and as my father I should know You want what is best for me. Your mercies are new every morning. I know that God is always at work for the good of everyone who loves him. (Rom 8:28) Help me Father to daily put on the armor that You give me, so I can defend myself against the devils tricks. I am not fighting against humans, I am fighting against the forces and powers in the spiritual realm. Help me learn to run to You first, to have faith in Your word, so that it becomes my sheild against the flaming arrows of the evil one. I want to be standing firm when this battle is over. (Eph 6)

Run and hide Satan, I'm doin' the shakin' now!