Well, I have ordered my "cranial prosthesis" and a few head pieces and have now had all the preliminary tests before I begin chemo. Today was the MUGA scan (heart scan) to determine the strength of my heart. My results came back normal. Normal results indicate that the heart squeezing function is .......well.......normal. A normal value is above 55% and mine was above that. I was teasing Jenn that I was disappointed that I didn't get a 100% because I always strive to get A's in school.......I plan to graduate from breast cancer survivor school with honors!
My next step along this journey is my first chemo treatment, one week from today. I plan to celebrate after each treatment is over, marking each one off with joy as it moves me closer to being finished. If you're so inclined......celebrate with me!!
Thanks again for your continued prayers as I begin chemo soon. I am praying for minimal side affects and no complications.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Good News!
Good news. My PET scan results came back normal! As my friend J says Praise God and cross that off your list! Thank you all for your prayers. I am doing a happy dance!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Radiation Consult
Although a bit early, we were scheduled to meet with my radiation oncologist Dr. "C" this past week in Independence ,right behind where I'll be having my chemo.
Radiation is a highly targeted, and effective way to destroy cancer cells in the breast that may stick around after surgery. Radiation can reduce the risk of breast cancer recurrence by about 70%. Although I had surgery, that alone cannot guarantee that every last cancer cell has been removed from my breast area. Radiation therapy uses a high-energy beam to damage cancer cells and normal cells as well. However, cancer cells cannot repair themselves, whereas, normal cells are better able to repair themselves and survive the treatment.
Radiation treatments will not begin until about a month after chemo finishes, but when I do start, I will have 33 treatments of radiation. 25 of those will be directed to my entire upper right chest from just below my breast, over to my sternum, up to just about my collar bone and all underneath my arm to include the lymph nodes. The last 8 treatments will be a "boost" to just my scar site areas (by then they will be a scars). These 33 treatments will take 6 1/2 weeks to complete, going in daily Mon-Friday for about 10-15 minutes each treatment. Once a week I will meet with the Dr. and once a week I have a consult with the oncology nurse to cover skin care, side affects and other issues that might arise. Sunburn and fatigue are the most common side affects to these treatments. Although the doctor did say that some people experience nausea, he didn't expect that to happen. Some damage to the remaining lymph nodes may occur which will increase the risk of lymphodema. The most serious risk I face is scarring on the tip of my lung. That scarring will remain a "monitoring" issue for the rest of my life.
Dave seemed to be comfortable with the nurse and doctor. Maybe I was just having an off day, but I didn't get warm fuzzies with this group. So far, everyone we've met at the Cleveland Clinics have been warm and compassionate and experts in their field. It's not that Dr. C and his nurse, weren't, but .....I don't know, I just didn't have the peace I've had with the others. I may continue to search for a radiation oncologist. I have time.
In the mean time, I have a PET scan this Wednesday (June 17th) at Hillcrest Hospital (a Cleveland Clinic branch). I am praying that there are no surprises. A PET scan is a Positron Emission Tomography nuclear test. A radioactive solution (tracer) will be injected into my veins and then I get to "rest" for about 45 minutes while it travels throughout my body. When they scan me, the dye puts off energy so they can see all my organs and tissue. If there is any cancer present it will light up like Christmas tree lights. I'm hoping my technician doesn't dream of sugar plums while watching my scan.
I will update again once we get results back from the test. Hopefully we know something before I go into the MUGA scan. More on that later.
Thanks for all your prayers as we continue on this journey.
Radiation is a highly targeted, and effective way to destroy cancer cells in the breast that may stick around after surgery. Radiation can reduce the risk of breast cancer recurrence by about 70%. Although I had surgery, that alone cannot guarantee that every last cancer cell has been removed from my breast area. Radiation therapy uses a high-energy beam to damage cancer cells and normal cells as well. However, cancer cells cannot repair themselves, whereas, normal cells are better able to repair themselves and survive the treatment.
Radiation treatments will not begin until about a month after chemo finishes, but when I do start, I will have 33 treatments of radiation. 25 of those will be directed to my entire upper right chest from just below my breast, over to my sternum, up to just about my collar bone and all underneath my arm to include the lymph nodes. The last 8 treatments will be a "boost" to just my scar site areas (by then they will be a scars). These 33 treatments will take 6 1/2 weeks to complete, going in daily Mon-Friday for about 10-15 minutes each treatment. Once a week I will meet with the Dr. and once a week I have a consult with the oncology nurse to cover skin care, side affects and other issues that might arise. Sunburn and fatigue are the most common side affects to these treatments. Although the doctor did say that some people experience nausea, he didn't expect that to happen. Some damage to the remaining lymph nodes may occur which will increase the risk of lymphodema. The most serious risk I face is scarring on the tip of my lung. That scarring will remain a "monitoring" issue for the rest of my life.
Dave seemed to be comfortable with the nurse and doctor. Maybe I was just having an off day, but I didn't get warm fuzzies with this group. So far, everyone we've met at the Cleveland Clinics have been warm and compassionate and experts in their field. It's not that Dr. C and his nurse, weren't, but .....I don't know, I just didn't have the peace I've had with the others. I may continue to search for a radiation oncologist. I have time.
In the mean time, I have a PET scan this Wednesday (June 17th) at Hillcrest Hospital (a Cleveland Clinic branch). I am praying that there are no surprises. A PET scan is a Positron Emission Tomography nuclear test. A radioactive solution (tracer) will be injected into my veins and then I get to "rest" for about 45 minutes while it travels throughout my body. When they scan me, the dye puts off energy so they can see all my organs and tissue. If there is any cancer present it will light up like Christmas tree lights. I'm hoping my technician doesn't dream of sugar plums while watching my scan.
I will update again once we get results back from the test. Hopefully we know something before I go into the MUGA scan. More on that later.
Thanks for all your prayers as we continue on this journey.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Be Still My Soul
It’s been a rough week. We met with the Medical Oncologist on Friday the 29th. Dr. Coffman read over my report and informed us that chemo would be needed. We told him what Dr. Levy had informed us of, about the study showing chemotherapy not adding much value than taking Tamoxifen alone. He said that once cancer enters the lymph nodes, it enters the lymph system. To ignore that would not be wise. Chemo cuts down the chances of re occurrence by 50% between women who take the chemo and those that do not. That is a significant percentage. His argument was convincing. So…..I get chemotherapy.
I will have a cocktail mix of Taxotere, Adriamycin and Cytoxan which will take about an hour and a half to infuse into my IV. Before those medicines are given I will get a mix of medications infused first to help me combat side effects of these drugs. That is another half hour. I will receive 6 treatments spread out about 14-21 days apart, beginning July 1st with each treatment lasting about 2-3 hours. Due to the nature of chemo and the way it compromises the body, these treatments may stretch out farther. Treatments may be delayed if my white blood counts drop too low, if I get a cold, if I get some of the common side effects or if any of the common side effects turn serious.
I was told that my prescribed drugs will make me lose my hair and that “being sick” wasn’t inevitable. I am trying to find the upside to all this. Dr. Coffman told us that that when my hair grows back, it will be thicker and curlier than before. ..Thicker is good. Until then, I’ll be like my great Aunt Cleta..”Let me grab my wig”! (inside family memory). Another benefit to chemo, I won’t need to shave my legs for awhile! Pat S would LOVE that side effect with summer coming!
Before I begin chemo I will have a few more visits to doctors and hospitals. I meet with my radiation oncologist, Dr. “C”, on June 8th to discuss radiation treatment, when it begins and how long it will be once chemo is over. On June 17th I will go to Hillcrest hospital for a PET scan to check my entire body for any cancer that may be lurking. On June 24th I go back to Hillcrest for a MUGA scan. The MUGA scan (MUlti Gated Acquisition scan) is a test that produces a moving image of the heart. From this image, the health of my heart’s major pumping chamber (the left ventricle) can be assessed. Adriamycin, one of the drugs that will be used on me, can be toxic to the heart muscle, and can lead to heart failure. This scan is to establish a baseline on my heart, and to rule out pre-existing cardiac disease.
As if the chemo blow wasn’t enough, one of the possible after effects to surgery reared it’s ugly head this week. Lymph fluid has been building up under my arm. Because they removed 3 lymph nodes, the lymph fluid is having difficulties finding their super highway. They have yet to ask direction to the nearest node. I became so uncomfortable with the swelling and hardness under my arm that I finally called the doctor’s office. No one had told me to expect this, so I was just sure something was terribly wrong. Debbie, one of Dr. Levy’s nurses, informed me that this is not uncommon, and to come on in and they would “stick a needle in it and drain the fluid”. (Well didn’t that just sound lovely). She assured me that I should still be numb and won’t feel it. Well the good news is she was right, I didn’t feel it. The bad news is, she says this could occur again for up to six months, but I should tolerate it as long as possible before coming in again. Here’s the scoop, I was told I have to avoid blood sticks, blood pressure cuffs, bug bites, cuts, burns, and even manicures on my right side from here on out as my lymph nodes struggle to process infections in the absence of a few nodes. So sticking a needle in my armpit is not ideal. Last night I noticed the fluid is already beginning to build up again. ...Drats.
Between the news, the discomfort, and the emotional toll we’ve been taking lately, it really has been a hard week. I have been struggling to get my focus back on God and give it all to Him. Today I was finally able to pray and begin to give it to Him. I’m still working on it. I’ve been playing praise and worship songs all day on my iPod and on the house stereo. Then one of the songs spoke to me. Be Still My Soul. That is a command. Hush, settle down soul and listen to God’s promises.
Be still my soul! The Lord is on your side!
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide in every change, He faithful to remain.
Be still my soul! The waves and winds still know His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Oh what peace we often forfeit. Oh, what needless pain we bear. All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.
Why does it always take so long to run into my Father’s arms when I hurt, when I fear? I suffer needlessly because I don’t carry EVERYTHING to God in prayer. Be still my soul the Lord is on your side! I hate feeling sick, I’ll look horrible bald, I really fear IV needles… Be still my soul! God is on your side. “Fear not, for I am with you”. “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life”? “You of little faith, why are you so afraid”?. “ I sought the Lord and He heard my voice; He delivered me from all my fears”. Be still my soul! The Lord is on your side.
Forgive me Abba Father for not running to You when I am afraid. I run and hide letting fear and doubt torture me when all the while you are calling my name to come to You. Oh Lord, hold me close. Help me to seek You quicker in the midst of this and deliver me from all my fears.
I will have a cocktail mix of Taxotere, Adriamycin and Cytoxan which will take about an hour and a half to infuse into my IV. Before those medicines are given I will get a mix of medications infused first to help me combat side effects of these drugs. That is another half hour. I will receive 6 treatments spread out about 14-21 days apart, beginning July 1st with each treatment lasting about 2-3 hours. Due to the nature of chemo and the way it compromises the body, these treatments may stretch out farther. Treatments may be delayed if my white blood counts drop too low, if I get a cold, if I get some of the common side effects or if any of the common side effects turn serious.
I was told that my prescribed drugs will make me lose my hair and that “being sick” wasn’t inevitable. I am trying to find the upside to all this. Dr. Coffman told us that that when my hair grows back, it will be thicker and curlier than before. ..Thicker is good. Until then, I’ll be like my great Aunt Cleta..”Let me grab my wig”! (inside family memory). Another benefit to chemo, I won’t need to shave my legs for awhile! Pat S would LOVE that side effect with summer coming!
Before I begin chemo I will have a few more visits to doctors and hospitals. I meet with my radiation oncologist, Dr. “C”, on June 8th to discuss radiation treatment, when it begins and how long it will be once chemo is over. On June 17th I will go to Hillcrest hospital for a PET scan to check my entire body for any cancer that may be lurking. On June 24th I go back to Hillcrest for a MUGA scan. The MUGA scan (MUlti Gated Acquisition scan) is a test that produces a moving image of the heart. From this image, the health of my heart’s major pumping chamber (the left ventricle) can be assessed. Adriamycin, one of the drugs that will be used on me, can be toxic to the heart muscle, and can lead to heart failure. This scan is to establish a baseline on my heart, and to rule out pre-existing cardiac disease.
As if the chemo blow wasn’t enough, one of the possible after effects to surgery reared it’s ugly head this week. Lymph fluid has been building up under my arm. Because they removed 3 lymph nodes, the lymph fluid is having difficulties finding their super highway. They have yet to ask direction to the nearest node. I became so uncomfortable with the swelling and hardness under my arm that I finally called the doctor’s office. No one had told me to expect this, so I was just sure something was terribly wrong. Debbie, one of Dr. Levy’s nurses, informed me that this is not uncommon, and to come on in and they would “stick a needle in it and drain the fluid”. (Well didn’t that just sound lovely). She assured me that I should still be numb and won’t feel it. Well the good news is she was right, I didn’t feel it. The bad news is, she says this could occur again for up to six months, but I should tolerate it as long as possible before coming in again. Here’s the scoop, I was told I have to avoid blood sticks, blood pressure cuffs, bug bites, cuts, burns, and even manicures on my right side from here on out as my lymph nodes struggle to process infections in the absence of a few nodes. So sticking a needle in my armpit is not ideal. Last night I noticed the fluid is already beginning to build up again. ...Drats.
Between the news, the discomfort, and the emotional toll we’ve been taking lately, it really has been a hard week. I have been struggling to get my focus back on God and give it all to Him. Today I was finally able to pray and begin to give it to Him. I’m still working on it. I’ve been playing praise and worship songs all day on my iPod and on the house stereo. Then one of the songs spoke to me. Be Still My Soul. That is a command. Hush, settle down soul and listen to God’s promises.
Be still my soul! The Lord is on your side!
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide in every change, He faithful to remain.
Be still my soul! The waves and winds still know His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Oh what peace we often forfeit. Oh, what needless pain we bear. All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.
Why does it always take so long to run into my Father’s arms when I hurt, when I fear? I suffer needlessly because I don’t carry EVERYTHING to God in prayer. Be still my soul the Lord is on your side! I hate feeling sick, I’ll look horrible bald, I really fear IV needles… Be still my soul! God is on your side. “Fear not, for I am with you”. “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life”? “You of little faith, why are you so afraid”?. “ I sought the Lord and He heard my voice; He delivered me from all my fears”. Be still my soul! The Lord is on your side.
Forgive me Abba Father for not running to You when I am afraid. I run and hide letting fear and doubt torture me when all the while you are calling my name to come to You. Oh Lord, hold me close. Help me to seek You quicker in the midst of this and deliver me from all my fears.
Be still my soul. Hush! The Lord is on my side.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Perfect Timing
I had my follow up appointment with Dr. Levy today. First, a doctor came in that I had met shortly while being sedated in the pre-op room and gently investigated my incisions and surrounding area. I wish I could remember her name, as I really liked her. She then covered the report she held in her hand, stating information we already were aware of as well as some new information. The cancer they removed was 1 centimeter (2.5 centimeters is an inch) it was a grade 1, which is slow growing. They removed 3 lymph nodes, which upon initial biopsy looked to be all clean, however, upon closer inspection, the first lymph node removed contained a “carcinoma”… Ok, that was news. She then proceeded to inform us that typically they recommend medication at 1 centimeter or more, none for less than 1 centimeter and because I also indicated cancer in a lymph node she was sure they would recommend medication. I, being naïve, assumed the medication she was speaking of was Tamoxifen. Dave on the other hand asked “Chemotherapy?” to which she replied “yes”, … I could not tell you what else she said after that.
After she left the room, I sat stunned for a moment, managed to blurt out “Crap”, grabbed a Kleenex and hopped back on the table to await Dr. Levy. Dave came to me and gave me a hug then we both sat stunned. Eventually Dr. Levy came in, washed his hand, and began to poke around my incisions forgetting that I was under them and still fresh from surgery. After satisfying himself that no lymph node fluid was building up inside or infection was present, he declared me “looking good” and proclaimed I could begin to resume “normal activity”.
Dr. Levy then began to restate what the previous doctor told us, and informed us he would get phone numbers to oncologist in the Independence branch (as it is a bit closer to home). He said the oncologist could recommend removal of more lymph nodes, although he doubts any cancer would be in any more nodes and would note it that he does not recommend any more to be removed. He also informed us there is a test that could be done, a genetic mapping, that would show if the cancer tissue removed will likely come back in the future, or not. (I will insist on this test!). Dr. Levy said there are some studies out now that suggest that Chemotherapy does not add any more value than taking Tamoxifen alone. However, he was careful to remind us he was not an oncologist and we should consult with one before we make any decisions. Each cancer is different. I have made an appointment for this coming Friday the 29th, in Independence, to consult with a medical oncologist that will handle any treatment that I may need now that surgery is over. Chemo or not, I will still need radiation and most likely Tamoxifen. Needless to say that I spent the majority of today trying to process this information.
Later this afternoon, a friend from church brought over dinner and dessert for us. (Thank you to Donna (and Angeli), Kacie and Joann for wonderful meals that were lovingly and thoughtfully prepared for us, all were delicious!) Shortly after Joann left, a beautiful basket of violets, butterflies and vines, as well as a box of chocolates, were delivered from the local florist sent from my co-workers at Verizon Wireless. My brother, Tim, called to check in with me just about the time the flowers and chocolates arrived, and my other brother Rick stopped by tonight to see how I was doing and to give me a much-needed hug.
I have received prayers, cards, texts, e-mails, comments on my blog, meals, flowers and chocolates, and calls during this journey and I want to let you all know that each and every one have come at a perfect time, when I needed them the most. I cherish each of you and feel humbled by your generosity and spirit of compassion. Thank you just doesn’t seem to be enough. Thank you for allowing God to work His perfect timing through you.
Flowers and chocolates that arrived today from my friends at Verizon Wireless.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
She's Home!
Hello All,
This is Jenny, writing in place of mom today. I want to first off thank ALL of you for your prayers, calls, texts, e-mails and comments! They have meant so very much to Mom, and us, you guys are wonderful!
I can sum up the surgery in two words...are you ready...? PRAISE GOD. :)
Yup! It went well. We had to have Mom at the hospital at 7:30 this morning, to which we arrived a bit early - and then waited. Brian and John (our pastor and friends from church) arrived shortly before they called and took Mom to the back...without me or Dad! There, I am assuming, they went over the check list (did you eat, do you have contacts in, this is what is happening...) and they had her change and put the IV in her. After that Dad and I were allowed to go back and join her, where we were then told about how long we should expect to wait, and when we would talk to people afterwards. After this, and the introductions to the nurses, I went and retrieved Brian and John from the waiting room and they got to come back and see Mom and pray over her. They had given her some anesthesia when I had left, so by this point, she was starting to get sleepy. The doctor came while we were praying, so when the prayer was done they had her get into the wheelchair and they took her off.
Fast forward an hour and a half later and Dad and I were called back to recovery to watch Mom wake up. The doctor came in with a smile on his face and said that the surgery went well and he was pleased. They got a clean margin around the tumor, they had to take out 3 lymph nodes, but each was cancer free, and she had no drain! WOO HOO! Her vitals were all normal, and they had her munching on some shortbread cookies and a ginger ale...what a breakfast! After all our updates Dad went out and told John and Brian the news, bid John goodbye and Brian came back to check on Mom himself and pray over her again. After Mom had woken up some more, and the nurse went over the precautions and wound care information with us, we were able to bring her right home! No over night stays! Mom is currently sleeping in her own bed.
I bet you understand now why I said it could all be summed up with the words "Praise God"! Every step was an answer to prayer... and you, our dearest family and friends, have been a blessing with all of your love, prayers and support. I thank you all for your diligent care of Mom.
God bless you all.
This is Jenny, writing in place of mom today. I want to first off thank ALL of you for your prayers, calls, texts, e-mails and comments! They have meant so very much to Mom, and us, you guys are wonderful!
I can sum up the surgery in two words...are you ready...? PRAISE GOD. :)
Yup! It went well. We had to have Mom at the hospital at 7:30 this morning, to which we arrived a bit early - and then waited. Brian and John (our pastor and friends from church) arrived shortly before they called and took Mom to the back...without me or Dad! There, I am assuming, they went over the check list (did you eat, do you have contacts in, this is what is happening...) and they had her change and put the IV in her. After that Dad and I were allowed to go back and join her, where we were then told about how long we should expect to wait, and when we would talk to people afterwards. After this, and the introductions to the nurses, I went and retrieved Brian and John from the waiting room and they got to come back and see Mom and pray over her. They had given her some anesthesia when I had left, so by this point, she was starting to get sleepy. The doctor came while we were praying, so when the prayer was done they had her get into the wheelchair and they took her off.
Fast forward an hour and a half later and Dad and I were called back to recovery to watch Mom wake up. The doctor came in with a smile on his face and said that the surgery went well and he was pleased. They got a clean margin around the tumor, they had to take out 3 lymph nodes, but each was cancer free, and she had no drain! WOO HOO! Her vitals were all normal, and they had her munching on some shortbread cookies and a ginger ale...what a breakfast! After all our updates Dad went out and told John and Brian the news, bid John goodbye and Brian came back to check on Mom himself and pray over her again. After Mom had woken up some more, and the nurse went over the precautions and wound care information with us, we were able to bring her right home! No over night stays! Mom is currently sleeping in her own bed.
I bet you understand now why I said it could all be summed up with the words "Praise God"! Every step was an answer to prayer... and you, our dearest family and friends, have been a blessing with all of your love, prayers and support. I thank you all for your diligent care of Mom.
God bless you all.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
The Time has Finally Come.
The time has finally come to remove this cancer from my body. We need to be at the hospital tomorrow (May 21st) at 7:30 am. Although I am not looking forward to surgery, I am looking forward to starting the process to be well again. First step...surgery.
When we met with the nurse last week she told us of all the issues we may encounter. I may need a drain under my arm if my lymph nodes produce too much fluid or don't re-route right away, I may have to spend the night due to pain, bleeding, etc. I am asking for prayer that I come out of this surgery in the best possible shape I can be in and will not need a drain or need to spend the night.
Thank you all for your prayers through this process. I have felt encouraged and focused on God through it all.
I will have Jenn update the blog tomorrow to let you all know that things went well (speaking from faith!), until then thank you for continued prayers.
When we met with the nurse last week she told us of all the issues we may encounter. I may need a drain under my arm if my lymph nodes produce too much fluid or don't re-route right away, I may have to spend the night due to pain, bleeding, etc. I am asking for prayer that I come out of this surgery in the best possible shape I can be in and will not need a drain or need to spend the night.
Thank you all for your prayers through this process. I have felt encouraged and focused on God through it all.
I will have Jenn update the blog tomorrow to let you all know that things went well (speaking from faith!), until then thank you for continued prayers.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
All Shook Up
I'm all shook up! No, I'm not singing an Elvis song.
J received some news this week that really shook me to the core. My heart is aching for her as she walks down this newest path that is being put before her. She shared with me yesterday and it really hit me hard. First my heart was breaking for her and her husband as they weigh options, make plans and figure out how to deal with this news.
Next Satan came at me hard, toying with me that this "thing" that my body has to host for another 3 weeks is growing out of control as I wait and wait. I woke up yesterday with shooting pains and experienced them on and off all day. So of course ole Beelzabub takes the very real and twists them into lies to torture me. And I was too tired to put up a good fight. I let him taunt me.
That was yesterday.
Today I'm fightin' mad! Hebrews 4: 14-16 says (CEV) 14We have a great high priest, who has gone into heaven, and he is Jesus the son of God. That is why we must hold on to what we have said about him. 15Jesus understands every weakness of ours, because he was tempted in every way that we are. But he did not sin! 16So whenever we are in need, we should come bravely before the throne of our merciful God. There we will be treated with undeserved kindness, and we will find help.
In Mark 4:40 (CEV) Jesus asked this simple question. "Why were you afraid? Don't you have any faith?" I admit, I had none yesterday. Hebrews 11:1 says Faith makes us sure of what we hope for and gives us proof of what we cannot see. And if we back up to chapter 10, the writer encourages me by saying "35Keep on being brave! It will bring you great rewards. 36Learn to be patient, so that you will please God and be given what he has promised." And the promises of God are many!
God, forgive me for doubting that You are in control, and as my father I should know You want what is best for me. Your mercies are new every morning. I know that God is always at work for the good of everyone who loves him. (Rom 8:28) Help me Father to daily put on the armor that You give me, so I can defend myself against the devils tricks. I am not fighting against humans, I am fighting against the forces and powers in the spiritual realm. Help me learn to run to You first, to have faith in Your word, so that it becomes my sheild against the flaming arrows of the evil one. I want to be standing firm when this battle is over. (Eph 6)
Run and hide Satan, I'm doin' the shakin' now!
J received some news this week that really shook me to the core. My heart is aching for her as she walks down this newest path that is being put before her. She shared with me yesterday and it really hit me hard. First my heart was breaking for her and her husband as they weigh options, make plans and figure out how to deal with this news.
Next Satan came at me hard, toying with me that this "thing" that my body has to host for another 3 weeks is growing out of control as I wait and wait. I woke up yesterday with shooting pains and experienced them on and off all day. So of course ole Beelzabub takes the very real and twists them into lies to torture me. And I was too tired to put up a good fight. I let him taunt me.
That was yesterday.
Today I'm fightin' mad! Hebrews 4: 14-16 says (CEV) 14We have a great high priest, who has gone into heaven, and he is Jesus the son of God. That is why we must hold on to what we have said about him. 15Jesus understands every weakness of ours, because he was tempted in every way that we are. But he did not sin! 16So whenever we are in need, we should come bravely before the throne of our merciful God. There we will be treated with undeserved kindness, and we will find help.
In Mark 4:40 (CEV) Jesus asked this simple question. "Why were you afraid? Don't you have any faith?" I admit, I had none yesterday. Hebrews 11:1 says Faith makes us sure of what we hope for and gives us proof of what we cannot see. And if we back up to chapter 10, the writer encourages me by saying "35Keep on being brave! It will bring you great rewards. 36Learn to be patient, so that you will please God and be given what he has promised." And the promises of God are many!
God, forgive me for doubting that You are in control, and as my father I should know You want what is best for me. Your mercies are new every morning. I know that God is always at work for the good of everyone who loves him. (Rom 8:28) Help me Father to daily put on the armor that You give me, so I can defend myself against the devils tricks. I am not fighting against humans, I am fighting against the forces and powers in the spiritual realm. Help me learn to run to You first, to have faith in Your word, so that it becomes my sheild against the flaming arrows of the evil one. I want to be standing firm when this battle is over. (Eph 6)
Run and hide Satan, I'm doin' the shakin' now!
Monday, April 20, 2009
A Lighter Side
My brother Tim has helped me see the silver lining in having breast cancer. A conversation we had via e-mail started after he read my last update in which I spoke about the technicalities of my surgery and the removal of cancer, some lobes, nodes, etc.
Tim's response was : "You don’t need all those lobes and ducts and lobular milk stuff anyway, its way overrated. Probably make you run faster. "
True! And IF I ran, I'm just sure I would notice the difference.
While trying to explain to a friend why the Dr. wants me to take Tamoxifen, I told her "...Tamoxifen is an estrogen blocker, kinda like a histamine blocker, but not... my cancer eats estrogen for breakfast, lunch and dinner, so we are putting it on a diet. "
From what I read, I'll be the envy of every woman when I gain curves in places I've never had them. My aunt Billie has always told me I'm too skinny. She always says "You need some meat on them bones"! Well Aunt Billie it appears you may get your little hearts desire.
To quote Tim again....."See, there’s always a silver lining."
Tim's response was : "You don’t need all those lobes and ducts and lobular milk stuff anyway, its way overrated. Probably make you run faster. "
True! And IF I ran, I'm just sure I would notice the difference.
While trying to explain to a friend why the Dr. wants me to take Tamoxifen, I told her "...Tamoxifen is an estrogen blocker, kinda like a histamine blocker, but not... my cancer eats estrogen for breakfast, lunch and dinner, so we are putting it on a diet. "
From what I read, I'll be the envy of every woman when I gain curves in places I've never had them. My aunt Billie has always told me I'm too skinny. She always says "You need some meat on them bones"! Well Aunt Billie it appears you may get your little hearts desire.
To quote Tim again....."See, there’s always a silver lining."
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Update: Met the Surgeon
Dave, Jenny and I met with Dr. Levy today. He is a very patient, gentle, man. We all liked him.
What we found out is that my cancer is less than one centimeter, which is just under 1/2 an inch. It is estrogen positive. The cancer tumor is mixed in ductal and lobular areas which means that the tumor is in the duct but is also in the lobes. (Lobes produce milk and then the milk flows down the ducts to exit the breast). This will make it more difficult to get a clean margin of tissue as there are many lobes. He didn't say it, but this will most likely mean a larger area will need to be removed.
While in surgery Dr. Levy will perform a sentinel node biopsy in which he will inject a blue dye and will follow that dye to the first lymph node and then the second, etc. He will then remove 1-3 nodes for biopsy. A second incision will be made under my right arm to remove those nodes. The results from the node biopsy will come back while I am still in surgery and will determine if they can stop or have to take more nodes.
Dr. Levy suggested that I should take about 1-2 weeks off to recover from surgery and then about a week after that begin radiation treatment along with the drug Tamoxifen. Dave and I will begin researching these treatment options to decide if this will be the path that we decide to take. (I am not a fan of Tamoxifen and it's many side affects, some of which can be worse than breast cancer).
As of right now, surgery will be a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy and is scheduled for May 21st. (Yes another month to wait).
Due to Dr. staffing issues and the fact that my cancer is non-aggressive, Dr. Levy needs to put us off for about 3 weeks. That puts us right at the time of Kelly's graduation from Medical school. He agreed with us that is important for us to attend the graduation and important to Mike and Kelly for us to be there, so we should attend, but "get in after that". I then tried to push my luck by telling him that two of my best friends were coming for a visit on May 20th and leaving Memorial Day morning..and they already had their plane tickets. He just said, "well it's never a good time. We need to get you into surgery". Drats. Sorry Chris and Celia... I tried.
Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. I wish we could get through this faster, but that doesn't seem to be my destiny. Thank you bearing this wait with me.
What we found out is that my cancer is less than one centimeter, which is just under 1/2 an inch. It is estrogen positive. The cancer tumor is mixed in ductal and lobular areas which means that the tumor is in the duct but is also in the lobes. (Lobes produce milk and then the milk flows down the ducts to exit the breast). This will make it more difficult to get a clean margin of tissue as there are many lobes. He didn't say it, but this will most likely mean a larger area will need to be removed.
While in surgery Dr. Levy will perform a sentinel node biopsy in which he will inject a blue dye and will follow that dye to the first lymph node and then the second, etc. He will then remove 1-3 nodes for biopsy. A second incision will be made under my right arm to remove those nodes. The results from the node biopsy will come back while I am still in surgery and will determine if they can stop or have to take more nodes.
Dr. Levy suggested that I should take about 1-2 weeks off to recover from surgery and then about a week after that begin radiation treatment along with the drug Tamoxifen. Dave and I will begin researching these treatment options to decide if this will be the path that we decide to take. (I am not a fan of Tamoxifen and it's many side affects, some of which can be worse than breast cancer).
As of right now, surgery will be a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy and is scheduled for May 21st. (Yes another month to wait).
Due to Dr. staffing issues and the fact that my cancer is non-aggressive, Dr. Levy needs to put us off for about 3 weeks. That puts us right at the time of Kelly's graduation from Medical school. He agreed with us that is important for us to attend the graduation and important to Mike and Kelly for us to be there, so we should attend, but "get in after that". I then tried to push my luck by telling him that two of my best friends were coming for a visit on May 20th and leaving Memorial Day morning..and they already had their plane tickets. He just said, "well it's never a good time. We need to get you into surgery". Drats. Sorry Chris and Celia... I tried.
Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. I wish we could get through this faster, but that doesn't seem to be my destiny. Thank you bearing this wait with me.
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