Amid Life-A Journey

My First Haircut....

2012-01-05T20:59:00.000-05:00

I finally gave in and got my hair cut tonight. Let me preface this with, I was planning on NOT cutting it at all until my 5 year "all clear" was given. But practicality won out with the realization that with uneven growth and really dry ends it wasn't very nice looking. It was getting very long, which I'm OK with, but had no shape to it. And with all my new found curls, I didn't know what to do with it except let it air dry.

So I visited my friend Bonnie over at La Bella's salon in Medina for a consultation on what we could do with my hair while still letting it grow out. One of my fears was that all my Shirley Temple curls would get cut off. I didn't want that as I've grown very fond of my much curlier hair growth. My hair has also come in much thinner since chemo and the longer it grew, the more it pulled out any body on the top of my head.

So, once Bonnie and I caught up on the last 2 years of not seeing each other, (she had the advantage as she keeps up with my blogs), she gave me a look that I could either air dry and show off my tight little curls or I could style very quickly to add fullness while keeping curl in my hair, as in the picture below. What do you think?

Bonnie, you've been a blessing in my life. It was so good to see you again, and I thank you for such a nice cut and time of fellowship. My hair already feels so much healthier.

2011-12-20T18:00:00.000-05:00

I had my quarterly visit with my oncologist yesterday. As of 2012, I will only have visits every 6 months and annual mammograms! That means I've graduated to the next level of survivorhood!

He switched my drug from Tamoxifen to Arimidex I told him I will finish out the next 3 months of Tamoxifen first. ( I just got my next bottle of 90 days in the mail!) That will give me 2 solid years of Tamoxifen and will put me at almost 3 years since my last period. I was heading down that menopausal route before I was diagnosed, but chemo cut my journey short. Arimidex has it's own set of risks and side effects, however it seems to have a better statisitical rate of non-reoccurance of breast cancer.

Below are some highlights I found while researching this new drug. And new is the key word. Tamoxifen has been around for over 20 years. Arimidex is relatively new and thus not as much research has been done.

In a woman who has gone through menopause, the adrenal gland is the largest source of estrogen. Arimidex works by preventing the conversion of steroids made by the adrenal gland into estrogen.

Statistics:

With an average of four years of treatment on the ATAC study, hormone receptor-positive participants taking Arimidex were 22 percent more likely to be cancer-free than those taking tamoxifen. As more study results become available, the curves will probably continue to diverge, and we expect that over another five or ten years, we’ll see an even greater difference between the effectiveness of the two drugs. We also expect that Arimidex will improve overall survival rates, because we’re seeing fewer recurrences in distant organs among women taking Arimidex.

In the study, more than 5,000 women with hormone-receptor-positive tumors were followed for more than three years after treatment was stopped. The researchers show that an additional 25% of recurrences were prevented by Arimidex, compared with tamoxifen, says John F. Forbes, MD, professor of surgery at the University of Newcastle in Australia.

More than eight years after treatment started -- and more than three years after it stopped -- Arimidex scored better than tamoxifen on almost every measure:

• It lowered the risk of breast cancer relapse by 15% compared to tamoxifen

• It reduced the spread of cancer to other parts of the body, such as the lungs or liver by 16% compared to tamoxifen

• It slashed the chances of a tumor in the other breast by 40% compared to tamoxifen.

Benefits:

There haven’t been many breast cancer-related deaths so far among study participants, so we haven’t yet observed a difference in survival. The ATAC study also indicated that Arimidex is better tolerated than tamoxifen.

Arimidex offers a small but real improvement over tamoxifen, and in general, side effects are minimal.

Dec. 14, 2007 (San Antonio) -- Even after treatment ends, Arimidex beats out tamoxifen in preventing breast cancer recurrence in women with hormone-fueled tumors.

Studies have shown that Arimidex is better at preventing relapses than tamoxifen during the five years that women are being treated with these drugs

Risks:

Updated results from this landmark trial also show that the increased risk of fractures associated with Arimidex therapy disappears after treatment stops.

During treatment, nearly 3% of women taking Arimidex had bone fractures vs. only 2% on tamoxifen. More than three years after treatment ended, the percentage was about 1.5% in both groups.

Arimidex side effects are often predictable in terms of their onset and duration. The most common side effects of Arimidex are:

Hot Flashes

Nausea

Decreased energy and weakness

Bone pain

Cough

Most people do not experience all of the Arimidex side effects listed

So, as you can see, I could use your prayers. I hope for none of these side effects, but covet the wisdom to deal with them if I do get any. I was just getting the hang of dealing with Tamoxifen side effects, but hopefully these new ones, which I won't start until about March of 2012, will prove themselves to be less painful and risky.

Resources:

oregon.providence.org/.../

www.webmd.com/

www.everydayhealth.com/

breast-cancer.emedtv.com/arimidex/arimidex-vs.-tamoxifen.html

Susan G Komen 3-Day for the Cure - Cleveland July 2011

2011-10-15T23:16:00.000-04:00

Early morning July 28th at the Port Authority. These illuminated balloons were guiding beacons for a large group of pumped up walkers ready to walk for a fantastic cause.

Team 'Marcia's Girls' were one of the top fundraising teams. Thank you to all who supported us!

I was a flag bearer in the opening ceremony. What an awesome experience.

Belief was the flag I carried. What an honor to be a part of such a moving ceremony.

Here I am with one of the many fun sweep van teams. These "Elvis's" were there to make sure all the walkers were safe and taken care of.

The neighborhoods we walked in showed their support of the walkers in several ways. These little beauties were out in the heat offering lemonade and water along with these beautiful smiles. I walk to find a cure so little girls like these never have to experience breast cancer.

This guy was sporting a t-shirt his group sold to raise funds. Love the saying!

Morning of day 3, we stopped at the blister tent to tend our wounds. This was one of the busiest sections of base camp each morning.

My new friend Kris and I posed before heading out on day 3. Both of us with blisters and gimpy knees. But we were determined to finish the day and walk into closing ceremonies on our own two feet.

This young man was totally into the fun and spirit of the walk as he walked for his aunt.

One of the final pit stops, Kris and I were hot and tired and limping, but as one button we saw said.."Limping doesn't need chemo".

My last medical tent stop and I had to get a picture with my buddy and therapist Jeremy. Jeremy made sure I was ready and able to finish walking on day 3.

One of the many chalk messages along our path. These messages were encouraging and inspiring. Thanks to the crew members for writing these every night.

Walking into the closing ceremonies with other survivors and flag bearers. We were all totally pumped. I was thrilled to see my family in the crowd!

Part of the closing ceremony, raising a shoe in memory of those who couldn't join us and those who are fighting the battle.

Closing flag ceremony. An extremely moving event.

I cannot begin to put into words the amazing and moving experience I had during the 3-Day for the Cure walk. I hope if you ever have the chance to participate in an event like this, don't hesitate to sign up. Whether, I walk, crew or just cheerlead, I plan to be a part of this event as often as I can.

2011-07-13T14:09:00.001-04:00

In 16 days, I will join 100’s of other men and women in Cleveland on a 60 mile, life changing journey. So many of you have been affected or know someone besides me who has suffered from this terrible cancer. It is for all of us who have been touched one way or another that I am fighting and walking for a CURE!

Words cannot express my gratitude for your support over these past couple of years since my diagnoses. Time is a precious commodity and social economics are even tougher, but one way or another you have stepped up to show your support. Maybe it was your card or note of inspiration; maybe you took the time to walk with me during my months of training or you attended a fundraiser. Maybe it was your words of encouragement or maybe it was a donation you made to support my walks. Whatever your contribution was and is, I am blessed and forever grateful for all you have done.

You know it’s not about the 60 miles, or the 3 days, or the 24 weeks of training, or even the dollars raised…it’s about the research and finding a cure to END breast cancer. It’s about the hope of living in a cancer free world one day.

Thank you doesn’t seem to be adequate, but please accept my HUGE THANKS for joining me in this effort to fight back against a nasty disease that engulfed over one year of my life and still affects me and millions of others every day. Not all of us are fundraisers, or can give the time to commit to these types of events. But today, right now, I CAN! And thanks to your support, you are fighting this battle right along side of me.

I will write again, after the walk with a photo or two to share. Much love and appreciation to all of you.

Ten Miles and Tired Dogs

2011-07-05T14:29:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to provide an update. After all the set backs I've had recently in preparing for the 3 Day, 60 mile walk, I am proud to tell you that I managed to walk 10 miles recently with most of my team mates.

Four of us met in Mansfield on a Sunday morning and chatted away for about 3 and 1/2 hours and 10 miles. It was a perfect day for a walk. Partly sunny and temperatures in the upper 60's to mid 70's. Overall I felt pretty good. Once I drove the hour plus back home I checked out my feet to see how they held up. My right foot, well, I will have pain in that foot until I decide to take medical procedures serious and fix that issue, but other than the pain due to an injury years ago, the right foot held up well. The left foot had a small blister on the right side of my heel. This is the first time I've worn my orthotics such a long distance so I was curious to see how that would hold up. I felt the edge of the orthotic while I was walking and figured I'd end up with a blister. I am surprised that a small blister was all I got. I think I must need to loosen up my shoe laces because the top of my left foot was red when I took my shoe off and it was sore for a few days. So I still need to experiment with my footwear to find that right balance. At the end of the 10 miles my dogs were tired but I was pleased with the overall results. I will still need to double that distance and do it again for 2 more days after that at the actual event. That's just a little intimidating

After completing my online check in for the walk, Komen wanted me to check with my doctors that it is OK for me to participate in the walk. I checked with my oncologist as well as my cardiologist and both gave me the thumbs up!

I have a fundraiser planned July 11th at the Brunswick Applebee's. I am so close to my fundraising goal, but still have a little way to go. That night will be fun. All diners who bring in a flyer will have 15% of their meal donated back to my fundraising efforts. I'll also have some baskets to raffle off and daughter will be giving back massages for a fee that she will donate back to the fundraiser! There will be other fun things planned as well. If you're in the area on that Monday, stop by!

I am seriously excited that the walk is soon to be a reality. I can still only imagine how tired I will be at the end of the 20+ mile days, but am looking forward to experiencing the excitement and weariness for such a good cause.

I will update again closer to the start day. Stay tuned!

Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon/10K Walk

2011-05-16T23:44:00.000-04:00

I entered my first ever timed race on May 15th and didn't do too bad if I must say so myself. I've been training for the 3-day, 60 mile Susan G Komen walk and thought this would be a good event in which to get some training. A 10K is a 6.2 mile event. As I don't run unless I'm being chased by something that could eat me, I chose to walk. Daugther walked with me, or rather I signed up to walk with her. The day was miserably cold and rainy, but we bonded during our time of comparing red cheeks, wet hair and blue lips. Not the fashion statement I was going for, but my cold blue fingernails matched beautifully to pull together this lovely ensemble.

Daughter and I were doing well until we stopped walking, then we both sort of waddled, or felt like we were, as our complaining bodies made us feel like little 80 year old women. But over all, I was fairing about the same as the "kids" who were 20 + years my junior.

A little Aleve and some hot tea made things better once we were back home.

I get to brag just a little about my stats. See below. A walking pace of a 20 minute mile is a good pace and I shaved off a few minutes from that. My division was my age group, and no, I"m not going to tell you what my age is. The chip time is the sensor that was on my racing bib. The clock time is when our division of the race started, which means we were in the back of the crowds and caught up as we went along.

Clock Time 01:50:58

Chip Time 01:47:36

Overall Place 254 / 13309

Gender Place 201 / 7399

Division Place 26 / 430

Pace 17:19.6

Training update

2011-04-14T00:08:00.001-04:00

I am so excited. My first donations have appeared this week! I am at 36% of my goal so I still need your support!

I went to the Podiatrist this week to be casted for orthotics. He's recommend surgery, but he and I both know that isn't happening anytime soon. So, in the meantime, Doc thinks orthotics will help ease the arthritic pain in my right foot (thanks to a volleyball injury and an over-anxious team mate) and relieve the tendinitis pain on top of my left foot. I'll get these in a few weeks. Unfortunately that will set me back on my training schedule as I have to learn how to walk in them. Below is this weeks schedule. We're up to 8 miles!!

Monday Rest (accomplished)
Tuesday 3 miles Easy walking (didn't accomplish)
Wednesday 15 minutes Moderate cross-training (umm yeah kinda.. if climbing the stairs a gazillion times at home counts and I got in 1 mile of easy walking)
Thursday 5 miles Moderate walking
Friday 30 minutes Easy cross-training
Saturday 8 miles Easy walking (I'll be walking at the IX Center this day for MDA's Muscle Walk event supporting my nephew Ryan. Hopefully I get in 8 easy miles during the entire day. I'll wear my pedometer)
Sunday 6 miles Easy walking

Thanks for hanging in there with me.

See the post below for specifics on how to donate. I need your support, but know that your donations will also help to put an end to breast cancer!

3 Days, 60 Miles

2011-04-08T23:21:00.004-04:00

I have taken on an incredible challenge. On July 29th - 31st, I'll be walking 60 miles over the course of three days. Scary, and exciting.

As most of you know, I was diagnosed in March of 2009 with breast cancer. This diagnosis came out of left field for me as I did not fit the criteria at risk for breast cancer. I don't practice risky habits. I don't smoke, I don't drink excessively, I'm not overweight (so they said), yet I got the shocking news anyway. I had children in my early twenties and breast fed them both, became a "young woman" at the average age and lead a relatively healthy lifestyle, all of which are good things. Then why did I get it?

With an ever-increasing diagnosis for women who are at risk and even those who are not, like me, the reason behind breast cancer needs to be found so that we can put an end to this disease. Susan G. Komen for the Cure® funds research focusing on decreasing breast cancer incidence and mortality in the next decade. This organization also funds research to discover new drugs to stop the disease from progressing any further. The drug therapy I am on for the next several years was discovered with research funded by Susan G. Komen for the Cure®

I have started training (I'm really stretching that a bit) by walking at home on the incline trainer and outside around the neighborhood and local forest preserves. I have also attended some sponsored training walks. This week we're walking 6-7 miles, in the cold and the rain....barefooted. OK, so I lied about the barefooted part. I've also started paying attention again to what I'm putting in my mouth. Not that I have horrible eating habits, but there is always room for improvement.

The thought of walking on average 20 miles each day for 3 days is very intimidating. But I look back to where I was this time last year and I barely had the energy of an 80 year old woman, not in good shape....who smoked... all her life.... you get the idea. So why am I doing this? Because I can. I didn't think I could endure treatments for breast cancer, but I did. I have pondered if I can walk 60 miles. The last time I walked 20 miles in one day I was 19 and a fitness instructor. But here I am now, alive and healthy, and I will walk as far as I can, hopefully completing the daily mileage every day, because I can.

Please consider making a generous donation. If you can't give what you would like all at once, the 3day for the Cure website allows you to spread it out over four months using the payment plan option. (Click the Donate Button on the side bar and donate for me, Mindy Howell) You can also ask your employer if they will double your donation with a matching gift. I have this website up on my other blog as well. (See The Howell Blessings).

Those of you who know me personally know that asking for donations is not my thing. But this cause is very important to me. I can't do this alone, I need your support.

When you think of supporters like support hose, supporting jock straps, support bras....think of supporting Mindy :) And if you're in the neighborhood, come by and cheer me on!

Training Schedule

2011-04-01T10:39:00.000-04:00

April 4-10 - 17 weeks out

Mon -Rest
Tue -3 miles; Easy walking
Wed- 15 mins ;Moderate cross training (Biking, Basketball, tennis, etc)
Thu -5 miles; Moderate walking
Fri -30 min; Easy cross training (swimming, water running, rowing, etc)
Sat -4 miles ;Easy walking
Sun- 3 miles; Easy walking

Stay tuned and I'll tell you what this is all about soon.

No Way!

2011-02-17T17:00:00.005-05:00

You’ve got cancer said the doctor to me.
No way! I said. This just can’t be.
I fell to my knees.

Lucifer taunted me, you’re gonna die.
No way! I said. God is on my side.
Get thee behind me Satan.

You’ll lose your hair, just wait and see.
No way! I said. It won’t take it from me.
I’ll beat this thing by shaving my head.

You’ll burn really bad with your fair complexion.
No way! I said. I have great protection.
God words are the balm protecting my hide.

The nurses said I breezed through the therapies,
No way! I said, considering the calamity.
It was God that got me through it all.

Cancer is vicious, it may come back to haunt.
No Way! I said. I will not daunt.
I trust in God and won’t worry for tomorrow.

Matthew 6:34 tells me I am not to worry.
Excuse me a moment my eyes are blurry.
My battle and blessings are still fresh in my mind.

This month I am a one year survivor.
No way! I said. I am praising with fervor.
God please use my battle to help others.

Mindy Howell

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. NIV…Jer. 29:11

Happy (Really Happy) Anniversary

2011-02-10T16:37:00.006-05:00

I am a ONE year SURVIVOR!
February 3, 2010 was the date of my last radiation treatment and the begining of being a survivor. I am looking forward to a bright future. It has been a long journey that isn't completely over, but I have come out the other side stronger than I went in. Funny how God uses our dark times to allow us to see our great need for Him.

Let me re-cap for anniversary sake:

March 16, 2009 - Biospsy and diagnoses of breast cancer, stage 1 non-aggressive. Radiation and 5 year drug therapy were suggested therapies.
May 21, 2009 - surgery to remove tumor and 3 lymph nodes. Discovered cancer in one of the lymph nodes. Chemotherapy now added to the therapies.
June 19, 2009 - PET scan
June 24, 2009 - MUGA scan
July 1, 2009 - began 4 months, 6 cycles of chemotherapy of Adriamycin, Taxotere and Cytoxin.
July 9, 2009 - got my port implanted
October 13, 2009- finished chemotherapy treatments!!
December 21, 2009 - began 31 daily radiation treatments.
February 3, 2010 - last radiation treatment!!
February 25, 2010 - Port removal!!
June 2, 2010 - 1st PET scan and 1st mammogram since surgery
December 17, 2010 - 2nd PET scan

Almost 2 years have passed since I was diagnosed with breast cancer and as you can see, they have been event packed. I continue to follow up with my oncologist every 4 months and for now PET scans every 6 months as well as daily drug therapy for another 4 years.

This journey was not of my choosing but I am grateful for the lessons I've learned, friends I've met, relationships strengthened and most of all growing closer to God. Had I not been forced down this path I would have missed out on some massive blessings.

Happy Anniversary to me!

Update on Connie

2011-01-11T14:54:00.000-05:00

I just got news that Connie is out of surgery and doing well. A bone scan was taken and she was told no further treatments are needed! Connie will have drains in for about a week and will be sore for quite a while, but now she can begin healing. Thank you all for your continued prayers.

My Friend Connie

2011-01-01T22:15:00.004-05:00

This post is about my friend Connie. Connie recently celebrated being cancer free for 6 years. Like me, Connie had breast cancer. When I was going through my treatments, Connie sent me cards almost every week encouraging me to keep my eyes on Christ. She gave me a painted block of wood that simply said "Trust in the Lord". I still have that on my dresser. She was helpful to me explaining what to expect during the treatments and what type of side effects I could expect. She even gave me a book called "Just Get Me Through It" which was very helpful. Having already gone through breast cancer treatments, she was able to recommend lotions and even shampoos for my bald head that had helped her during her treatments.

There were times when I was having "good days" that she would pick me up and take me to lunch, or we would go to the theater and watch a movie. She was there for me when I needed someone to just to understand what I was going through.

The picture below was this past September, 2010 at the Wolstein Center in Cleveland for the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure. Connie encouraged me to join the race and I'm so glad she did. She literally took me by the hand and showed me around. We had a good time at the race.

Later that day Connie learned that her brother passed away. I felt useless as she sat in my driveway processing the news, but I was glad I was with her and was able to lend her my shoulder to cry on.

Shortly after I began my chemotherapy treatments, Jenn threw me a "hat and scarf party". I had pictures taken with every guest and had them wear the hat or scarf they gifted me with. Below Connie is sporting the black bowler hat she gave me. She also gave me a scarf that she had obtained at a another Race for the Cure walk she had attended.

Connie has been a good and supportive friend. Now I will be returning the favor of being supportive as she has just found out that her cancer is back. Connie is scheduled to have a mastectomy January 11th. Please join me in prayer for Connie as she is about to begin a fresh journey through breast cancer. I will continue to update you as she allows me to when new details present themselves. For now, please pray for peace for her and her husband, and for wisdom for the doctors to make the right decisions on her behalf.

I love you Connie. Trust in the Lord

PET Scan Results

2011-01-01T21:00:00.000-05:00

Dr. Coffman called me Thursday evening with results of my PET scan. He said there were no new spots, however I am still showing activity in the same places I had them last time. He explained that the scan shows abnormalities like Christmas tree lights and the brightness of the lights are measured. He went on to explain that although there is still activity, the numbers have improved since the last scan. The last scan had 2's and 3's (cancer would throw up 12-15's and higher).
Dr. Coffman sent my results to my surgeon for his opinion also.

He finished our conversation encouraging me to relax and enjoy my New Years celebration and that we would follow up with another PET scan in 6 months. My next visit with him will be in February. I'll keep you posted.

Update

2010-12-15T16:11:00.008-05:00

Friday December 17th I go back in for another PET scan.

The last PET scan I had showed some "numbers" around the surgery sites and my oncologist suspected it was from inflammation from radiation and was still healing. I have to admit, I have been anxious about the results of the upcoming scan. I won't know those results until after Christmas. I am ready to be declared free from this disease!

However, I keep reminding myself that God is in control. It was not a fun experience to go through, but I would not take it back. I developed a closer relationship with Him through it all and for that it was worth it. Not that I want to do it again mind you, but I know that if I had to, He would be there right beside me all the way.

On another note, some of you have asked me about my hair, how long it is, etc. See below for a picture that I took while at my office. It's getting long. And it's still curly, so it's super easy to take care of. The downside to this "do" is that I look like Albert Einstein when I wake up in the morning!!

It has been a year in October since my last chemo treatment and my hair began coming back in again about 6-8 weeks after that treatment So this is just about a years worth of growth....from scratch! My oncologist says it takes about 2 years before it goes back to it's "normal" state. That is the way it was before treatments. I haven't been to a hair dresser in over a year and a half. Think of all the money I've saved!! ha! I am open to suggestions for when that time comes!

Stop the Madness!!!

2010-11-17T22:47:00.002-05:00

Is it just me, or has the increase in breast cancer rose, not just breast cancer, all cancers for that matter. It seems like I hear about new cases of cancer on a weekly basis. I know my ears are sensitive to the topic, having gone through and still going through a breast cancer journey, but c'mon already, stop the madness!!

Please take a moment to pray for those on my prayer list to the right.

Although there are more survivors today due to improvements in medicines and earlier detections, cancer is a serious and deadly disease. For the fortunate, at best it's a good solid year of doctors, surgeries, tests and treatments, and that is just for starters. This is an ugly disease that needs to be stopped.

Fears

2010-10-18T16:53:00.001-04:00

I had a check up with my Oncologist last Monday Oct. 11th and before I left we set up my next PET scan for December 17th at Hillcrest Hospital. The last PET scan in June had low result numbers which my doctor attributed to inflammation from radiation. It had only been five months from the time of my last radiation treatment until that PET scan. (No numbers is the goal). I wasn't happy about seeing numbers but tried to rest in the fact that the doctor thought it was from radiation still.

I have been experiencing discomfort on my right side for quite some time now. Under my right arm is tender to the point of feeling sore, often. The doctor said as nerves heal they can sometimes cause pain. I have to admit, I have allowed myself to entertain the thought that there might be more cancer, and at those times I fear. It doesn’t even matter what I fear, just the fact that I fear means I’ve gotten my eyes off of God and on my circumstances. Cancer or no cancer, I have to take God at His word. I either believe Him or I don’t. I choose to believe Him.

Father God, you know my innermost thoughts. You know all my doubts and fears. I lay my burden of fear at your feet and entrust my future to your care. You have promised to watch over me now and forever. Psalms 121: 7-8 says “The Lord will protect you and keep you safe from all dangers. The Lord will protect you now and always wherever you go.” (CEV). Help me to rest in You, Lord. To trust in Your power and Your promises.

Jeremiah 29:11 once again speaks to me when it says “I will bless you with a future filled with hope – a future of success, not of suffering.” (CEV) . Father you tell us that all things work together for good for those who love You and are called according to Your purposes. We may not understand why we are going through these trials as we travel them, but I will trust that You are using these times to produce good fruit in my life and the lives of those walking this path with me. I am thankful that I can rest secure in the fact that You are faithful.

I thank You for Your healing and for giving me the peace that passes all human understanding. That peace will guard my heart and mind from the attacks of the one who tries to destroy me. I praise you for blessing me and my family with your overflowing goodness. Amen.

THANK YOU!!

2010-10-18T16:48:00.004-04:00

Thank you to everyone who donated to the Susan G Komen Breast Cancer Fund! Because of those who so generously donated, I exceeded my personal fundraising goal. We also exceeded our team goal!!

I cannot express properly what your support means to me. I have been touched by your generosity.

Thank you.

L-R Connie, Heather, Me, Jenn, Dave and Bill. Missing is Bobbi and Vicci

Race for the Cure

2010-08-20T11:04:00.002-04:00

I will be joining the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure walk this Sept. 11th in Cleveland. I am excited to be a part of something so big to help find a cure for cancer. I signed up at the prompting of my friend Connie and formed a group called Pretty in Pink. (see the right bar). I received my "Survivor" t-shirt in the mail this week along with information regarding the day's activities and time schedules. Dave received his "Man Up" t-shirt in the mail as well and his instructions about where to meet other men in the Man Cave at Wolstein Center. I am excited that he will be joining me in this walk.

We are walking one mile in downtown Cleveland to raise funds to help research a cure for breast cancer, the disease that affects one in every 8 women. And the kicker is...the greatest risk factors for breast cancer are being female and growing older. Breast cancer knows no boundary, be it age, gender, socio-economic status or geographic location. And yes, it even affects men. Somebody has to stop this, and I plan to help out.

Please help me raise funds for a cure. As you know, I was diagnosed with breast cancer in March of 2009, and although I am through the worst of the treatments, I am dealing with drug therapy, side affects and after affects, as well as doctors appointments, blood checks and PET scans for the next 5 years.

I don't like asking anyone for money, but this is important to me. I am asking for everyone to donate just $10.00 USD. If I could get at least 20 people to donate $10.00 each, that is $200.00 towards research. $10.00 doesn't sound like much and shouldn't be a burden for one person to donate, but with thousands of people raising funds at $10.00 each from 20 people from 22 counties in the NE Ohio area ...that is HUGE!

Just click on the link on the right of this page to donate safely and securely. If you are donating a larger amount, please read the FAQ's regarding receipts for tax exemptions. You can donate to my personal fundraising efforts, or someone on my team, or just the team in general, it all goes towards cancer research and it is all greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance.

Joni Eareckson Tada

2010-08-04T09:31:00.003-04:00

Please join me in prayer for Joni Eareckson Tada. If you are unfamiliar with Joni and her ministry visit http://www.joniandfriends.org/ to take in what this woman, who became a quadriplegic at the young age of 17, is doing to serve God. She has an amazing testimony of how God has taught her to bless others even in the midst of her own struggles.

Recently, Joni was diagnosed with breast cancer and begins chemotherapy this week. On top of the daily trials of being a quadriplegic, she will now have to cope with the side affects of chemotherapy. Also pray for her husband Ken, and the other dedicated friends of hers who will be assisting her during this time.

Our God reigns!

PET Scan results

2010-06-14T14:26:00.005-04:00

I met with Dr. Coffman Thursday June 19th for a routine follow up exam and to gather results from my PET scan. My PET scan test came back with some activity around my clips and lymph nodes where they removed the other nodes (Clips were used in place of sutures at the surgery site). Dr. Coffman says he is not alarmed by my numbers. He said cancer numbers would throw up 8.X to 15.X and my numbers were 2.5. He believed these figures could just be inflammation still from radiation.

With that said, we will follow up with another PET scan in 6 months (Dec time frame). I see Dr. Coffman again in 4 months (Oct) for a routine follow up and at that time we will schedule the next test.

I apologize for the short update, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around having any numbers at all. I truly expected to hear.."Everything looks great!" after having a clean mammogram. I know I shouldn't be concerned, I know God is still in control.

I believe Lord, help my unbelief.

Results for Mammogram

2010-06-08T16:41:00.003-04:00

I had my mammogram Wednesday June 2nd and received a letter the very next day that they were pleased to tell me that the results were clean!! I don't have to have another mammogram for another whole year!! I was shakily confident that it would come back clean, but it sure was good to see it in writing. Thank you God!

Stay tuned. PET scan results coming soon.

Test Day

2010-06-01T14:34:00.004-04:00

I just wanted to update ya'll that Wednesday June 2nd is test day. I start out the day at Hillcrest Hospital with an injection of radioactive material and about 45 minutes later will be scanned to see if there is any cancer. I am praying the PET scan will be clean.

Then at 2:45 I travel to Beachwood Breast Center for my first mammogram since surgery last May. To say I'm not looking forward to this is an understatement.

Then at 3:45 I have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Levy, the surgeon who removed my cancer.

Certainly a busy day.

I'll post results once I have them. I appreciate your prayers, not only for good results, but to calm my nerves.

Please click on the link below to give a free mammogram. It's free to you, just a click of your mouse.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=2

Port-a- Party

2010-05-04T23:03:00.004-04:00

July 9, 2009 was the day I got my medi-port surgically implanted under my skin in order for my chemo medications to be administered to me in a safe way. This device was a purple triangular shaped medi-port (called a Power Port) that showed through my skin and rose above my chest by about ½ an inch. I was asked by the nurses and a few other people who opted to see it, if I was bruised because the purple color showed through my skin.

At best, the port was uncomfortable and on bad days there was soreness and shooting pains surrounding it. My seat belt ran right across it, and I never ceased to bump it with a something I was carrying. I began avoiding hugs for fear of pain from the port digging into my chest by a well meaning loved one. Trying to sleep was another story. And to say it was unattractive is a mild statement. I had to carefully select clothing to wear so that my port was not visible to anyone. The thought of someone seeing my port by accident crossed my mind as I would dress. Occasionally I would envision the look of horror or disgust on their faces as they caught a glimpse of it. If I was having second thoughts about a particular blouse or sweater, that “look” would make me change every time.

I had been trying to get the nurses at the cancer center to arrange for me to get my port out for awhile. Each time I approached the subject with the nurses, they would tell me the doctor would want me to keep it in for at least a year. When I asked the doctor when I could get it out he said “Anytime you want!” So again, I would approach the nurses telling them “he said” and I would get mumbles or “the doctor will need to write a work order up for that” and yet they never did get back to me after their declaration that they would “have to talk to the doctor about it”. Finally on my visit on February 18th, I pinned the doctor down and said, “When can I get this out?” once again he said “Whenever you want”. I replied. “I want!” He then began to back stroke pointing out what I went through to get it put in, yada, yada. So I asked him if there was a reason to keep the port in and he just shook his head no and started writing up a work order.

I realize why they all wanted me to keep the port in.. in case of a recurrence. However, I refuse to live with the when or “what ifs”. Matthew 6:34 says "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." And Jesus tells his disciples in Luke 12:22 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear." So, I choose not to live in fear and worry about if cancer will return. Instead, I want to move forward in life and that did not include having a port sticking off my chest for another year “just in case”. February 25th I went to Cleveland Clinic’s main campus to have my port removed.

Dave, Jenn and I arrived at the hospital the morning of the 25th. I was a little anxious, but was looking more forward to having the port removed than being afraid of the procedure. Jenny made the wise suggestion to put Lydocaine on my arm for the IV insertion. And with the courage of Lydocaine on my arm, I was only a little anxious when it came time for the big stick. The Lydocaine worked famously! Shortly after the IV was inserted, the nurse and I walked into the surgery room together. She had me lay down on a narrow table then she, and some other nurses, began bustling around the operating room. One nurse brought over an x-ray machine and took an x-ray of my chest and neck where the port was. It was really neat to see the port and the catheter threaded up through my veins in my neck and back down again. After taking the x-ray a nurse begin to scrub down the area surrounding my port with some sort of dark solution.

The doctor had met with us before going into surgery to discuss the procedure with us and the risks involved. The biggest risk was the catheter breaking while removing it and introducing air into my bloodstream. Dr. Gill came into the surgery room shortly after the nurses finished prepping and draping me and had the nurses then give me something to make me groggy. They injected my IV with something, and then continued preparing things to begin surgery. Someone began numbing me, saying “You’re going to feel a stick…and burn”. At one point I reached up to scratch my face and a nurse peeked around the drape and told me to not move. I looked at her and smiled. She said “Oh my, there you are with your eyes wide open!” Then I heard, “we’re giving you something to make you comfortable”. I slept after that awaking later to feeling tugging and burning. I spoke out loud that I felt it and I think I startled everyone in the room. The doctor said to the nurses, “give her more” then he began telling me “you’re going to feel a stick…then burn” as he began numbing me more. Later I began to wake up as they were finishing up the procedure. They injected me with an antibiotic and immediately I began to itch. I asked the nurse if it was ok to scratch now and she said yes, so I started scratching my face, then my head, then my neck….argh! I was very itchy! The nurse noticed right away that I was breaking out in hives, so they informed me they were going to give me Benadryl to combat the allergic reaction I was having.

I don’t remember anything more in the surgery room and woke up in the recovery room where a nurse immediately offered me something to eat. With a ham sandwich in hand, I took a bite and remembered it tasted good. I woke up a little later with the sandwich still in my hand and laying on my chest. Dave and Jenn had come in at one point to see me, but I was still so out of it that they left again. Apparently, the nurses told them about the allergic reaction and how the medicine would make me sleep for awhile longer. They were also going to keep me for a couple of more hours to monitor me for anymore reactions.

I am free from the port and very happy I had it removed. I pray I never have to have one again, but even if I do, I would remove it again immediately. I have a thick pink scar where the port once was and it is still tender, but I can now wear most of my clothes again without fear of grossing someone out. My cousin Robin suggested we have a port removal party…would that be a port-a-party?

My hair is coming back in dark and curly, albeit still thin, but I thank God daily that I have hair and ask him to give me the wisdom to be able to work with what I have. It’s been a month now since I wore a hat, scarf or a wig and everyone who sees me is thrilled to see my hair again. Thank you all for continuing to keep me in your prayers. Sam. 7:28 O Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant.

Done is Good!

2010-02-15T13:25:00.004-05:00

I started my radiation therapy on December 21, 2009 and received daily treatments, except for the weekends, for 6 ½ weeks, totaling 31 treatments. My last treatment was administered on Wednesday, February 3, 2010. The first 23 treatments were delivered to my upper right chest stretching from the center of my sternum to under my arm, then from about 4 inches below my collar bone to about 4 inches above the bottom of my ribs. The last 8 treatments, referred to as a boost, were delivered centered over my scar and a surrounding area of about 6 inches in diameter. Every Tuesday I would get an X-ray taken to make sure the swelling wasn't going to interfere with the position the doctor had chosen, and the therapists would measure me with calipers. Every Wednesday I met with Dr. C and the oncology nurse, Connie, so they could look at my skin to make sure it was still “intact”, always asking me if I had any questions and re-assuring me I was doing great. “Keep doing what you’re doing” Connie would say.

When I first started radiation treatments, my skin was slightly pink and slightly irritated everyday when I would go home. I would apply lotion over the treated area being careful not to rub off the ever present ink markings the therapists made. By the next morning the pink would have disappeared although the irritation never did. However the discomfort was not bad. The hardest part about the first 3 weeks was trying to maintain the ink they marked me with from Monday to Monday. I questioned myself why they tattooed me if they were just going to mark me up every week.

About halfway through my 6 ½ weeks the pink turned to red and the color no longer disappeared. The irritation became very uncomfortable and a constant soreness crept in. At the same time I noticed myself starting to drag. About halfway through the day I would feel the need for a good nap and getting up in the mornings to go to work became much harder.

The last 2 ½ weeks my skin was unquestionably red, tight, itchy, and sore and started to take on a plastic feel. My skin started to peel in some places that peeling should just never occur, and my underarm was a constant source of irritation. It doesn’t help that I am right handed and I was being radiated on my right side. Every movement I made would cause my skin to stretch, or cause my arm to rub tender skin. By this time I would wake up tired and remain tired throughout the day. Often times I was ready to go to bed by 8:00 at night. Nurse Connie gave me gel pads to apply to the areas that offended me the worst; however these were hard to keep on under my arm where the constant movement would make the pads buckle and itch my skin even worse.

My last treatment was bittersweet. I was glad it was over, but I had come to look forward to seeing the technicians I saw everyday. The “girls” gave me an Award of Achievement and ½ dozen carnations with baby’s breath and fern on my last day. I also got a hug from each one. Connie, my nurse, said more than once that I had come through radiation treatment with phenomenal results. She had told me that she expected me to have a rough go of radiation as I had just come from chemotherapy and I am fair skinned. She asked me more than once what cream I was using as my skin held up so well. I shared with her the new cream my cousin Ron had suggested. Thanks Ronnie, it really did help. BTW, it was SBS-40 OTC hand cream. I didn't start to experience fatigue until the last couple of weeks and even then it was tolerable to still work everyday and function somewhat normally.

I was told by many people to celebrate my last treatment. I took Thursday and Friday off to get some much needed rest. Celebration took energy I just didn't have. However, My dad and sister sent me a giant card signed by family and friends down south, as well as a gorgeous pink crystal necklace with the design name of “Celebration”. How appropriate! Thanks Daddy and Laurie. Jenny made me a Pineapple upside down cake done the old fashioned way, in an iron skillet. Yum! Dave took Jenny and me out to dinner at Thyme, The Restaurant, in Medina to celebrate being done with the major treatments. That was a treat. Can I just say, between the Pear and Parsnip Soup and the Crème’ Brule’, and not failing to mention the Spinach and Mushroom gnocchi, it’s now one of my favorite restaurants in Medina! Try it if you live anywhere close by.

Even though my treatments are over, I still have residual affects that I need to deal with. My skin is peeling, but healing, and for now I am still a bit tired. But, like my friend Chris says “Done is good!”

I go back to the cancer center Feb 18th for a port flush and an appointment with Dr. Coffman, my oncologist. I expect at that point he will talk about starting me on the drug Tamoxifen and possibly some follow up tests. I intend to pin down a commitment to arrange to get my port out. It has served its purpose and now it’s time to have it removed.

Looking back, I should have told Connie the nurse, that it was prayer that sustained me so well through radiation. Where have I heard before that I breezed through treatment? Was that chemo? Yes, and was that radiation? Yes. Thank you to all who have been praying for me. I am a living testimony of the power of prayer. I thank God that He keeps meeting me where I am and providing for me there.

Let the Rays Begin!

2009-12-28T17:59:00.001-05:00

Monday December 21st began my radiation therapy. I go in daily to work, then at 11:35 a.m.leave for the cancer center, which is located across the street and down 2 driveways. I sit in the waiting room for usually no more than 5 minutes before they call me back for treatment. On Monday’s they weigh me (can you say motivation?) before I slip inside a tiny closet to change out of my top into a lovely hospital gown. I then wait (sometimes not at all) in another small waiting area just outside those tiny closets until they call my name.

The room where the treatment is given is a large room with one of those uncomfortable “beds” in the center of the room. At the head of the bed is a huge machine that delivers the treatments to my body. Once I lie down on the bed and grab the bars behind and at the top of my head, and they place a bolster behind my knees, they begin the process of lining my tattooed dots up with the intersection beams in the room. I keep wanting to scoot myself to help them, but they tell me to lie still and let them do the work. They lower the lights in the room so that they can see the laser beams better against my skin. They then take the sheet I am lying on and slide it to just where they need me to be, then one of the two begin calling out numbers to the other as they line me up perfectly with the beams of the machine as it begins to hover over me. Once they are satisfied that it is “perfect” they turn the lights up and leave the room.

The machine is positioned at two different angles and each angle administers two different doses. The first dose typically lasts about 15 seconds and is accompanied by a high pitch buzzing sound. The second dose lasts about 5 seconds with a lower buzzing sound. I count every time I hear the buzzing begin and each time it is slightly different. Sometimes the first dose is 14 seconds, and at times it has lasted as long as 17 seconds. The machine then angles to the other side of me and repeats the same sequence of doses. The only time the therapists come back into the room is after the machine has switched sides. They insert some type of plate over the dosing screen before the long dose is administered. I asked my therapist about the timing and she said the machine is loaded with my dose. The seconds, or half-seconds’ differences from day to day depends on the humidity in the room, my body temperature and the moisture in my body and even the weather outside. The machine knows the exact dose to administer regardless of the conditions surrounding it, and adjusts itself accordingly.

The entire process in the treatment room typically takes no more than 10 minutes, which is a good thing as my arms are usually falling asleep by then from being over my head. The therapist come back in and lowers the bed while the machine goes back to home plate. They then bid me good day, “see you tomorrow” and I go back to my tiny closet to dress for the outside world.

Every Wednesday I have appointments to meet with the radiation nurse and the radiology oncologist to discuss any side affects and have any questions I may have answered. Last week was my first appointment and already the doctor noticed swelling and some “pink”. He advised taking some Advil to relieve the tenderness but assured me all is well. I notice heat radiating into my coat as I am driving to finish up my work day at home. There is slight irritation and tenderness already, so as soon as I get home and log onto my work computer, I make myself comfortable and apply moisturizing lotion to the affected area. The heat I feel is a real indication to the burning that is happening to both the good and bad cells in my body. I know that radiation is for the best, but it is a little freaky knowing that good cells are getting burned up in this process too.

To date, I haven’t started glowing, so I’m not a dead give-a-way while playing hide and seek just yet. My eyelashes and eyebrows have begun to grow back in as well as the hair on my head. However it will be quite a while before scarves and wigs are put aside to make way for a new short hairstyle. Radiation will have no affect on the growth of my hair, so by late spring/early summer I should be able to don my new “do” to the world outside of home.

I understand that things will get a little tougher before they get better, but Dave, Jenn and I are looking forward to a healthier and happy year in 2010. I pray each of you have a better year too. Happy New Year!

X Marks the Spot!

2009-12-11T17:23:00.002-05:00

Monday I met once again in a consult with Dr. C and his nurse and heard again how radiation “finishes” what my surgery started and how fatigue and sunburn are the only expected side affects I should experience. They said the fatigue with radiation is not as bad as chemo, that‘s a plus! The numbers of treatment have declined from the original proposed 33 treatments to now only 31. That’s like a sale where they mark off .50¢….on a leather jacket.

I went in two days later for a “simulation”. This is where my therapist marked me for precision radiation. A simulation is a CAT scan that creates a 3D image of me to map out my heart and lungs so that those are protected during radiation. We don’t want to destroy any healthy cells that shouldn’t be part of the radiation process. First Jennifer, my therapist, lined me up on the “bed”. I have no clue why they call it a bed as it is unlike any bed I’ve ever slept on. It was hard and uncomfortable, but I digress. She then marked me with an X, with a fine tip marker, where the laser beams in the room intersected me. She applied sticky tape with wires inside them to create borders as the CAT scan doesn’t recognize borders, only bones and tissue. Once the doctor approved the lines and borders, she scanned me. After the scan she took all the metal tape off and tattooed the X marks with a tiny dot in the center of each X. I’m living wild now, I’ve got tats!

I will go in again on the 18th of Dec for another simulation. This will insure that the “map” of my body lines up perfectly with me. Providing this is all perfect, I start daily radiation treatments Dec 21st and will end Feb 3rd. If you’re wondering, like I did... no, they don’t “do” holidays. So my first two weeks will be 4 day weeks versus 5 day weeks. I will still have 31 treatments regardless of the Friday holidays.

The nurse let me know that the first two weeks are the easiest. She said the body can repair itself after each treatment and I will hardly notice any difference. However by the end of the 2nd week, the body runs out of steam trying to repair destroyed cells daily and struggles to heal itself from that point on. That is when I will begin experiencing fatigue. They think I shouldn’t begin any discomfort from ray burns until after the first two weeks, however, as I am fair skinned we will have to “play it by ear” as to how quickly I react to the rays.

I am not allowed to wear deodorant or powder or any other topical solutions on the area to be radiated as it will act like oil on a sunbather’s body and enhance the burn. I learned that I haven’t had to wear deodorant under my right arm since surgery as they removed sweat glands when they removed lymph nodes. This was news to me, but there’s another silver lining. It will take twice as long to use up my deodorant as it has in the past. Think of all the money I could have saved if I’d known that earlier!

Thanks for sticking in there with me, only 6 ½ weeks of radiation. Drug therapy will begin once radiation is done, but, one step at time. Love you all.

Overdue Update

2009-11-28T20:44:00.004-05:00

I apologize for not updating the blog for awhile. Many of you have called or texted for updates, so I realized I am long overdue. Here's what has happened since my final chemo session.

Dave and I met with Dr. Coffman on Nov 6th for a follow up to my last chemo session. My CBC (complete blood count) showed that my red blood counts had gone up a whole point from 9.6 to 10.6. Thanks for your prayers, (Thank you God), I did not need another Aranesp (iron) shot! I had already began to start feeling stronger and have continued to do so since then. Dr.Coffman released me to go back to work and told me he wanted to give me another month to regain my strength and energy before starting radiation. The front office staff set an appointment with Dr. "C", my radiology oncologist, before we left that day.

I started back to work the following Monday, November 9th. I knew it would take awhile to acclimate to a work schedule, but I didn't realize how exhausted I would be. Even now I am still coming home tired and typically falling asleep on the couch by 8:30 at night. Thankfully my boss has allowed me to work from home when I feel I need to, so I have taken advantage of that option a few days a week. Mentally it has been a real boost for me to go back to work. I am no longer a patient 24x7, or thinking about cancer or treatments or the next doctor's appointment all the time. My teammates have been great helping me catch up on what took place during my absence and have helped me remember policies that I have forgotten so that I can assist my stores.

Wednesday before Thanksgiving I had my first port flush. I had forgotten to put my Lydocaine on before leaving the house, and I drove myself, along with my SIL Donna, so I couldn't put it on in the car. I did put it on once I pulled up outside the cancer center 5 minutes early and waited to go in until the last possible moment. Once inside the nurse told me that we would do a CBC to check to see if I needed another Aranesp shot. I told her I was under the impression that I was there just for a port flush. She looked in my file and said she didn't even have that down. (OK, scary). Then I told her that I shouldn't need another Aranesp shot as my counts were up to 10.6 the last time I was here. She again looked at my file and said she showed my counts at 9.7 the last time I was in on Oct 13th. (Getting nervous now). I informed her that Oct 13th was my last chemo session and that I had been in since then and my counts were up when I was in last. She finally figured out that when I visited Dr. Coffman those nurses put everything in the computer and didn't print things out to put in my file.

By the time we got all the reports figured out 20 minutes had passed by and I was hoping the Lydocaine would be working. The nurse punched the needle into my port and I realized quickly that 20 minutes is not enough time to numb sufficiently. Ouch! Then to make matters worse nurse Barb couldn't get my blood to flow. After lying me back, having me turn my head, pushing on my port and trying for way too long to get blood for the CBC, she was finally successful. My red blood counts came back at 10.8. I was disappointed that I had only gone up 0.2 points but it did explain why I still feel so tired at the end of a day. 45 minutes after we arrived we finally left. I had told Donna that we would only be there 10-15 minutes. Sorry Donna.

Chemo continues to wreak havoc on my body. I have rings on my fingernails and like rings on a tree tell how old it is, the rings on my fingernails tell how many treatments I've had. My fingernails have also begun to lift which make the tips of my fingers tender. I just recently lost the last of my eyebrows and expect to loose what's left of my eyelashes soon. Now that I've gone back to work, I've had to start actively managing my lymphodema (swelling of the lymph nodes). Sitting around, along with gravity, makes my right arm swell. I've had to get a compression sleeve to wear while I'm at work to keep the swelling at bay. On the upside, my energy is improving, my taste buds seem to be fully repaired resulting in putting 5 lbs back on, and I'm getting peach fuzz on my head, so hair is forthcoming!!

My next doctor appointment is set for this coming Wednesday, Dec. 2nd with my surgeon Dr. Levy. This will be my 6 months follow up. It's hard to believe it's been 6 months since my surgery. Next Monday, Dec. 7th is when I meet with Dr. "C" to begin the radiation preliminaries. A mold will have to be made, tattoo's for precision line up have to be gotten and other preliminaries will be administered before I actually start radiation. Once I know when the treatments begin I will let everyone know.

Thank you all for the support you've shown throughout all of this. It's almost done and then I can begin counting my anniversaries of being a survivor.

I Want to Know You More

2009-10-16T23:50:00.003-04:00

My final chemo session has been administered. As I posted on Facebook, after waiting for blood counts and approval from the doctor for an agonizing 30+ minutes on Tuesday the 13th, (closer to 45 minutes) the doctor finally approved my final chemo session. Chemo is done! My anemia is still in effect, and the iron shots have not quite kicked in yet, so fatigue is a constant battle. Radiation will not help matters as the rays will continue to take my red blood counts down and keep the anemia going. The cancer center will continue to give me iron injections until my counts reach 10 points. If they reach 8, I was told a blood transfusion takes place. The lowest I’ve been is 9.3. Lets pray my counts remain above 8. They were 9.6 on Tuesday but then chemo will take them lower again before they begin to rise.

I don’t have a radiation schedule as of yet, but have been told it will be about a month after chemo is done, so I am expecting early to mid November before radiation begins. Before I start actual treatments, I will have examinations, pictures taken for precise line up, tatoo’s to “mark the spot” for the same line up each time and who knows what else. So my “break” before radiation begins will be busy it sounds like. Once I start, I will have daily treatments Monday through Friday for 6 ½ weeks. 25 rounds to my upper right quadrant and the last 8 rounds are “boosts” to the surgery sites. I am praying for nominal side affects to radiation. The doctor says everyone is different, but did say if they didn’t make my skin pink they feel they aren’t doing their job correctly. So I expect some burning to take place. I am just hoping that we can keep it down to just “pink” and not the sunburn that my skin is so used to getting when exposed to rays. My pale white skin doesn’t like sunrays much.

I keep wondering and asking the Lord to tell me why He’s allowed me to have to go though breast cancer and the treatments that seem to be so hard on my body. I don’t have that clear blueprint I am wanting, but His word still comes back to me in Jeremiah 29: 11-13 “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” 12 “Then you will call upon Me and pray to Me and I will listen to you.” 13 “You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.”

Verse 11 was Linda’s favorite scripture and Dan and Linda’s pastor expounded on vs. 11 during Linda’s memorial service. I wish I had a tape of his topic it was so good. But God has brought it to my mind over and over again during this entire journey. There is so much to these words. He knows the plans He has for us, for me. I have to trust that plan until He decides to share parts of it with me. But in vs. 12 and 13 God always gives us the other end of the bargain, our part. We are to call upon Him, talk to Him, ...conversations take place here. He listens. Then another promise: “We will find Him when we look for Him with all our hearts. “ This relationship cannot be religious, cannot be half hearted. It has to be with all of our heart. If we approach our relationship with God the way many of us do with our spouses, it just won’t cut it. We have to be more honest and open with God than we allow ourselves to be with our spouses, way more for some of us. We fear retribution or vulnerability when we let down our guards with our spouse. Words shared can be used against us; we don’t dare open up too far. It can’t be so with God. His word says “You will find Me when you seek me with all your heart.” We only get from God what we allow Him to get from us. When we hide, we cannot see God. It’s only when we are more real than we believe we can be that God will reveal Himself to us in like measure.

I don’t have any answers here, just bits and pieces of what God is allowing me to see, allowing me to grow with if I take it to heart. I know I’ve not gone on to share all of my heart with Him. I still cling to what I think He doesn’t know. He knows, He’s just waiting to have that conversation with me, when I can trust Him enough to share it.

What should I fear from God? He promises not to harm me but to prosper me, to give me a hope and a future. What part of this is scary?? My part, letting go, trusting God, letting go of MY control. Trusting someone to not use what is said between us to hurt me. Trusting someone at their word, trusting that someone really is looking out for me, besides me. Sin is the culprit for the human reaction to love, mistrust. God never intended it to be that way. God is calling us to as close to a perfect relationship we can experience here on earth, to trust Him. It’s really hard, but I want that. Don’t you? And in that, I believe God can help us in our earthly relationships too. As we draw closer to God we draw closer to his creation, our spouses, our church members, uniting us to do the will of God without fear of failure or the response to that failure. Imagine having the confidence to go out and do what God has asked us to and not being afraid of failure or the reaction to possible failure. So many times we don’t even get started doing what God has asked us to do, because of our fear of failure. I know I can’t count how many times I’ve stopped or not even started something because I didn’t want to screw it up. We all do that.

Read it again. Jeremiah 29: 11-13 “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” 12 “Then you will call upon Me and pray to Me and I will listen to you.” 13 “You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.”

Father God, help me to open up with all my heart and to seek You, trust You, love You, without any fear. I want to know the plans You have for me. I want to have a hope and a future in You. I don’t want to waste this journey of breast cancer or the impact on the lives of the people You have brought into my life through it. Help me to let go of myself, my control and to open up to You like I never have. I want to know you more.

Rest

2009-09-28T11:04:00.006-04:00

It is with deep sorrow and yet peace of heart that I must tell you that Linda passed on to heaven yesterday morning. Please take a moment to read the Caring Bridge update that Dan posted yesterday as it speaks so beautifully to who Linda really was. She wasn't just a cancer patient, she was so much more and her message will continue to inspire all of us. Linda truly was one tough chick. She never stopped loving our God and never stopped encouraging others to do the same. Please click http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/onetoughchick to read Dan's posting.

Dave's Uncle Chuck was also very recently diagnosed with brain cancer and sometime Friday night passed away. His battle was brief. He will be missed. Please pray for Chuck's wife and family as they mourn his passing.

Needless to say, this has been one very trying year. And now, Dave and I are reeling from yesterday's events as we try to prepare for what to do next. This last round of chemo has left me weak and I've battled fevers and chills. I believe God has allowed my fever to break in order to make arrangements to pay our respects in person to our extended family. Please pray for wise decisions and God's strength in us in the face of adversity, so that we may be a witness to those around us.

4 Down, 2 to Go!

2009-09-14T18:10:00.005-04:00

I had my 4th chemo cycle August 31st. I wasn't as fortunate as last time with the side affects, but God has still been with me. I did not have the need to take any sleep aids and have taken very few anti-nausea pills this time. However, my blood counts have taken me to new lows and I am now anemic. This results in low energy levels and having to watch when I stand up too quickly, bend over, turn my head...... The first week and a half after this treatment, passing out or almost passing out was a bit too common. I think I'm over that part for now.

My birthday was just a few days after this last cycle and Dave wanted to take me out to dinner to celebrate. Not that I felt much like celebrating, but I did want to get out of the house and have a nice meal. Jenn blessed us by joining us. As I was walking out to the car, yet another episode of "Brought to you by Chemotherapy" moment occurred when I almost passed out again. Once that moment passed, Dave asked if we should continue and yes, by golly, I was going!! We arrived at Main Street Cafe on the square in Medina and ordered our meals. When our food arrived, it looked and smelled so good... but lo and behold my taste buds failed me. I could barely taste the food, and the little bit I could taste was tainted by chemotherapy mouth. I have experienced odd (downright nasty) tastes to no taste at all for the past 2-3 cycles and was really hoping that it wasn't going to happen this time, but it did. And on my birthday. How dare it! The good news is, I regain most of my taste before each new sessions, albeit, slightly tainted, but I've learned to deal with it.

Now we are down to 2 more cycles!! My next cycle is Sept. 22nd. I will really begin the countdown then!! My last cycle will be sometime mid October and I should begin to finally start feeling better about 2 weeks after that. During this "time off" I begin meeting with the radiation oncologist for education, molds and pictures.

Thanks to all of you for your continued prayers during this long drawn out process. The end is in site for chemotherapy!! I will continue to keep you updated. Thanks for sticking in there with me.

Round 3

2009-08-27T02:25:00.004-04:00

Round 3 of chemotherapy was completed on August 10th. That means I am halfway through!

This cycle began with a visit with the oncologist. Dave dropped Jenn and I off at the cancer center as he had a meeting at another hospital. He assumed he would be back in time for the actual chemo treatment. Jenn and I waited for Dr. Coffman to come into the room for awhile. When he finally made it in, he performed his exam, asking questions about how I reacted to the last treatment and assuring himself that my side affects weren't extreme. He listened to my heart and belly sounds and was satisfied that I was healthy enough to take on the next round of chemo. When we left the examination room, the nurse told me to pick a chair and they would be with me soon.

After waiting about an hour, a nurse that was not mine that day, took my blood pressure and temperature and accessed my port for blood. Normally, this part is no big deal. That day I felt the full wrath of the port needle as it pierced my skin. I had applied the Lydocaine to my port right before leaving the house, as always, however the Lydocaine had been on for over 2 hours since leaving the house and had lost it's potency. Ouch! Once that nurse had finished, Jenn and I waited for about another half an hour before my nurse, Rhonda, finally came to begin administering my pre-meds. I had texted Dave and told him not to rush as I had not even started my pre-meds yet, but he arrived shortly after she began administering them. Once my nurse hung the first drug of Taxotere, I told Dave and Jenn to go get some lunch as that would take about an hour to infuse. I didn't want them sitting there watching me while their bellies were growling. Thankfully they complied and left to grab some Thai food just down the road.

By the time Dave and Jenn came back from lunch the second batch of meds had just begun being administered. Dave took several phone calls that day and spent almost the entire time outside on the phone. Jenn brought a book and read. Other than our rocky beginning, the rest was uneventful.

Each cycle has been different for me and this one was no exception. I had the normal queasiness (the drugs they give me to take at home work really well against this nasty side affect), however nothing else about this cycle was normal! But this is a good thing!! I never once lost my energy during this cycle!! I kept waiting for the ball to drop, so to speak, but it never did. I praise God for answering prayer. The last cycle was horrible to my energy level to the point where it was hard to get out of bed. I laid around most days not even having mental energy to want to do anything. I know many of you prayed for me and God was generous in His mercy! Thank you for your prayers.

My next treatment is August 31st then after that one I only have 2 more left!! Thank you all for your prayers, encouraging words, texts, phone calls and cards. You have given me the encouragement to keep on keeping on!

Caution! Serious Pondering Ahead.

2009-08-26T19:52:00.008-04:00

With my next chemo cycle quickly approaching, I have been thinking about how God answers prayers. Some prayers have been answered just as we have asked them to be, as in the evidence of the lack of nasty side affects for me, especially during this past cycle. Other prayers are being answered but not in the way we hope for. It's during these times I question my trust in God. I have friends that are faced with job loss, I have family and friends in the midst of serious illnesses some of which are curable, some are not. I have asked God, "How can this bring glory to you?" I don't have the answer but I realize this is where I have to trust God to do what is best. I have to keep in mind that God sees the big picture, where I am selfish and only want what is best for me and mine.

I have read about martyrs in the past and present who have been willing to sacrifice their own personal safety and lives in order to carry out the "big picture" for God. I admire them... from afar. I've never been in a position of being threatened with my life or being beaten and demanded to deny my faith in God or to stop telling others about God. These people have great faith that God has placed them in that exact position for a purpose. I have wondered if I were in that position, would I crumble and do what my captors were demanding of me? Could I trust God that He had placed me in that position to do His will and would I be brave enough to carry it out regardless of the known outcome?

I ask God "Why isn't that person being healed?" or "Why is this other person being put through a job loss and financial hardships?" These people believe in God. In my selfish world, God makes us comfortable, He heals us, makes sure we have enough money...right? Instead of wondering why God isn't doing "good things" for us, I should be wondering what it is I can do for God. Is there a reason why I have to go through breast cancer, or a reason my friend may loose their job, or someone else their life? Are we making the most of the hardships God is allowing by sacrificing our desires to be healed or be financially stable in order to be a part of the bigger picture? It's hard to think that way especially when we don't understand how our circumstances could possibly help God's plan? Are we willing to sacrifice our life for God? If we're honest, most of us would say "No!" It's uncomfortable to think about, yet think about it I do.

I must admit, I've gotten angry at God for not answering my prayers the way I want them answered. I do not understand why He allows certain things to happen. After I've thrown my temper tantrum, God always restores peace to me. Not answers, but peace in the fact that He does love us and like any good parent, only gives us what we can handle. I am always left with the reality that it's not about me (I know it's hard to believe, but it's true), but it's about God and reaching those who have not yet seen the need for a relationship with Him. Reaching those who have not come to the realization that we fail miserably as humans yet God loves us anyway and wants us to have purpose on earth, and to live out eternity in the greatest love that we have yet to experience.

There is a song that I sing that contain the words below;

Spirit of the living God, fall fresh on me.

Melt me, mold me, fill me, use me.

I want to be filled and used by God, but I have to learn to trust God during the melting and molding stage that what He is doing, as painful as it may be, is for the best. How can we become willing vessels to be used by God if we aren't willing to be shaped into the vessel He needs us to be? Is someone watching me as I go through this hardship and if they are, are they seeing God, or seeing me whine and complain? Am I able to set aside my selfish desires long enough to be used to show God's love to someone else?

God speaks to us in the bible to trust Him:

2 Samuel 7:28 O Sovereign Lord, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant.

Ps 4:5 Offer right sacrifices and trust in the Lord.

Ps 9:10 Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.

PS 28:7 The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped...

Ps 37:5 Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this:

Ps 56:3 When I am afraid, I will trust in you.

There are many, many more scriptures that speak about trusting God, but for tonight, Psalm 84:12 speaks volumes " O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you."

Oh Lord, I want to be that woman who is blessed for trusting you. Forgive me for making it about me. Forgive me for not trusting that You have all the answers and that you will reveal them to me only when I can handle it. Forgive me for thinking that my life should be perfect when there are so many lives in this world that are not. Father make me the vessel You need me to be, then fill me and use me as You see fit. Help me to not complain during the melting and molding process. Use me Father to reach someone else who needs to see You as a loving God and come into a personal relationship with you. Amen

Ok! Ok! So I stretched it a little......

2009-07-27T17:22:00.000-04:00

My apologies for those of you who have talked to me lately and aren't convinced my blog is accurate. Right after I posted the last blog, fatigue kicked in pretty heavily. My energy level took a nose dive and I have been pretty much a couch potato since then. I really didn't mean to sugar coat what is going on with me, but do know that Dave and Jenn are taking very good care of me, making sure I eat and don't over exhaust myself. Please rest assure, even if I had the energy to over do, I wouldn't be allowed.

Thank you for all your concerns. I will get some energy back before the next round of chemo (scheduled Aug. 10Th). Until then, keep those prayers lifted high! I love you all.

Another One Bites the Dust (boom, boom)

2009-07-24T21:11:00.004-04:00

I had to choose this title this time. This song was playing in Jenny's and my head as we left the cancer center this week. Round #2 is now done. Thanks to all of you for praying. God was definitely with me this week.

The accessing of my port was relatively painless thanks to some awesome Lidocaine and nurse Barb. There were also no nasty allergic reactions to the medicine this time. We arrived at 10:30 and was out by 2:30, much better than the 7 hour stay the first time. They added to my pre-meds to combat any reactions which included quite a dose of benedryl so that made my head feel really weird and I just wanted to sleep. However, just like when I'm on a plane with lots of people around me, I couldn't sleep during chemo either. I really wanted to, but too much going on around me kept my eyes coming open. Jenn brought a book to read this time and Dave kept busy reading papers and working on his Treo.

The after affects aren't quite as bad this time either. So far the nausea has been minimal, and the fatigue doesn't seem to be as energy zapping as it was the last time. I feel more sleepy rather than drained this time...if that makes any sense. Either way, I'll take it over the first go round.

Jenn threw me a scarf party the Saturday before my chemo session, so that helped to alleviate the fear and anxiety I had been feeling toward my next round. Many ladies showed up and a few sent gifts who couldn't physically attend. We all had a really good time. If you facebook, you can see all the pictures posted there. I will try to post more on my other blog, The Howell Blessings.

Again, I cannot say thank you enough for all the prayers I know you are praying. I do feel them and appreciate them mightly.

I will leave you with a scripture that one of the ladies from the Pink Chain Gang sent me. Psalms 103:17-18 (CEV) The Lord is always kind to those who worship Him. And He keeps His promises to their decendants who faithfully obey Him. Thank you all for obeying Him.

Love, Mindy

Connie (a breast cancer survivor) and me at my Scarf Party

He Restores My Soul

2009-07-11T13:45:00.009-04:00

First off, my apologies for not updating sooner. I know many of you depend on this blog to keep updated on my progress. I will try to be more dilligent in timely updates.

Since my last posting ( June 24th, MUGA scan), much has happened. July 1st was my first chemotherapy cycle (Cycle is what they call it, although I refer to it as a treatment). We arrived at the oncologist office at 8:15 in the morning and left at 3:15 that afternoon. It was a very long, tiring day.

When we (Dave, Jenny and I) first arrived, we were taken to a conference room by nurse Barb and, for about an hour, she pumped us full of useful and scary information. She told us about the medicines I would be getting and all the common side affects and how to best handle them. Most of the information I was already aware of by researching on my own, but some of it was news.

After we conferenced, Barb led us to the chair I would be occupying during my treatment and brought chairs for Dave and Jenn to sit on. I had brought my chemo kit that my friend Sue so lovingly provided for me and opened up my new blanket to cover myself with as it was chilly in the office. Barb started an IV in my left arm and began administering my "pre-meds" to help combat different side affects such as nausea and allergic reactions. After those were finished Barb left to gather my medicines. It was at that time I had a "moment". You know, one of those, "this is really happening and I don't want to be doing it" moments. I have to admit, I felt slightly panicky while waiting on Barb to bring out my doses. I thought I was going to be sick. One of the other nurses, Mari Kay, asked me if I was ok. She must have noticed that flight risk look in my face. I told her I thought I was going to be sick and she brought me a bucket and some saltines and reassured me that this reaction is common and real. It's called "anticipatory anxiety". "Anticipatory anxiety is the physical symptoms of increased heart rate, increased pulse, shallow rapid breathing and increased tension which can cause upset stomachs and headaches and perhaps increased sweatiness, all of which arise when thinking about an upcoming event." (Ezine Articles) Thankfully that moment of nausea passed, although I'm not sure if the feeling of "I don't want to be here" ever did.

When Barb left me, she entered the pharmacy room, which was directly across from my chair. She donned a gown and gloves which raised my anxietes slightly as I realized it was because she was about to handle my drugs and was protecting herself against the dangers of handling them. After checking and re-checking the drugs and doses with the dispensing nurse, she brought them out to my chair table and laid them out. First she administered the Adriamycin. This red liquid has the most potential for making me lose my hair, get mouth sores, ruin my heart and destroy my veins. Oh yeah, it's pretty wicked on cancer cells too. This particular drug is administered through an IV push. During this time Barb was standing directly beside me, slowly pushing the Adriamycin into the IV tube. While she did this I sucked on a Popsicle (also provided by Sue) as this has been shown to help prevent mouth sores.

Next came Taxotere. Barb warned me that if I feel ANY difference in the way I was feeling right at that moment to let her know. She said that this particular drug has a tendency to cause allergic reactions, so if I was going to react to anything it'd be this one. I was good for about 10 or 15 minutes. Mari Kay had just asked me if I was doing ok and I answered yes, then all of a sudden my face felt like all the blood had rushed out of it and my heart started pounding hard. I called out for Barb, who was in the pharmacy room and by the time she stepped out to me, I was beginning to feel heavy in my chest, like someone was pushing on me. Immediately Barb and Mari Kay pushed my chair back, stopped the drip and started administering.....benedryl I think, some drug to stop my reaction. By then I was also shaking so Barb ordered another drug to help that which pretty much knocked me out. She stood over me and monitored me for about 20-30 minutes then started the Taxotere drip again, this time more slowly.

The last drug administered was Cytoxin, but by then I was spent and on drugs which made me sleepy so I barely remember Barb switching over to that one. The rest, as they say, is history. I am sure Dave and Jenn were excited to sit by me and watch paint dry, but they stuck it out, bless their hearts. After we came home, I slept much the rest of the day. I remember having a headache and feeling just slightly queasy.

The first six days after chemo were the hardest for me. Thankfully the doctor had given me prescriptions to help combat the side affects. I never once lost my stomach, but felt queasy daily. I could barely make myself eat, but Dave kept reminding me I had to eat to keep my strength up. Fatigue was another side affect that I wasn't expecting. I had no physical or mental strength at all during the first 4-5 days. I felt like a wet washrag, just laying around and not being able to function or think.

I also experienced "chemo brain" during these same rough few days. I had evidently spoken with someone on the phone, written down their name and an appointment for a pre-admission test for a surgical implant of a port. Later when my mind was mine again, I saw on the calendar "1:00 Tuesday Strongsville Surgical Spe" written in my own handwriting, but could NOT remember writing it, what it was for or when I spoke to someone. Thankfully the hospital called on Monday morning to let me know that my port was to be implanted on Thursday and I confirmed with them what Tuesday's appointment was for.

This past Thursday I went in at 1:00 to the hospital to get my port. Adriamycin is extremely rough on veins and, breast cancer patients especially, due to lymph node removal, have limited options to what arm, if any, and veins can be accessed. If, when inserting the IV needle, the needles pokes through and any of the Adriamycin leaks out, Necrosis, or tissue death, can occur. Not that this is common, but it is a risk with this medicine. If that were to occur, among many other issues, I would not have an arm for blood draws, injections or any other type of medicinal procedure in the future. Therefore I got a port to administer my medications through. The port is implanted surgically under the skin just under my collar bone and threaded up through my juggler vein. This access through a larger vein helps dilute the drugs immediately and speeds their access through my system. There is no room for accidental vein sticks when administered this way either, so it is a safer option for me. And I no longer have to endure the painful IV stick every treatment. The Dr. has prescribed a Lydocaine ointment that I will apply over my port area before going in, so the when the port needle is inserted, it's relatively painless.

So now, I am recovering from this surgery and am anxious for it to heal so I can remove this tape which is pulling on my neck and chest. My chest is quite sore, but I have been reassured I will be thankful to have this port. So, I am thankful. Once chemo is all done, it will require more surgery to remove the port. I will be thankful then too, to have it out. Yesterday we visited the oncologists office for a "mid-cycle check-up". This is where the doctor asks me how I handled any side affects and checks me out physically to make sure I am enduring everything ok. Blood is drawn and all counts are monitored. I wasn't expecting it, but Mari Kay accessed my port for the blood work. I'm sure it will be better next time, but accessing a very sore site the day after surgery, was a little traumatic for me. I'll just say it wasn't a pleasant experience for me this time. On the upside, all my blood counts were quite good, so the Nuelasta injection I received the day after chemo was doing it's job. That is making sure my white blood cells are being regenerated.

They say the last week before you go in for your next chemo cycle is your best week. This time it will also be the week I am expecting to loose my hair. However, I am looking forward to having a good week coming up. Jenn and Sue are throwing me a "Scarf Party" on Saturday, so that will give me something positive to look forward to before I go to my next cycle and start this process all over again.

Thank you all for your prayers. I am convinced that God is with me and have felt your prayers. I will leave you with a scripture my sister Laurie sent me in the Complete Jewish rendition which really has administered peace to me this past week or so.

Psalms 23:
Adonai is my shepherd; I lack nothing. He has me lie down in grassy pastures, He leads me by quiet waters, He restores my inner person. He guides me in right paths for the sake of His own name. Even if I pass through death and dark ravines, I will fear no disaster; for You are with me. Your rod and staff reassure me. You prepare a table for me, even as my enemies watch; You anoint my head with oil from an overflowing cup. Goodness and Grace will persue me every day of my life; and I will live in the house of Adonai for years and years to come.

I Passed!

2009-06-24T20:35:00.007-04:00

Well, I have ordered my "cranial prosthesis" and a few head pieces and have now had all the preliminary tests before I begin chemo. Today was the MUGA scan (heart scan) to determine the strength of my heart. My results came back normal. Normal results indicate that the heart squeezing function is .......well.......normal. A normal value is above 55% and mine was above that. I was teasing Jenn that I was disappointed that I didn't get a 100% because I always strive to get A's in school.......I plan to graduate from breast cancer survivor school with honors!

My next step along this journey is my first chemo treatment, one week from today. I plan to celebrate after each treatment is over, marking each one off with joy as it moves me closer to being finished. If you're so inclined......celebrate with me!!

Thanks again for your continued prayers as I begin chemo soon. I am praying for minimal side affects and no complications.

Good News!

2009-06-19T15:03:00.002-04:00

Good news. My PET scan results came back normal! As my friend J says Praise God and cross that off your list! Thank you all for your prayers. I am doing a happy dance!

Radiation Consult

2009-06-14T21:20:00.004-04:00

Although a bit early, we were scheduled to meet with my radiation oncologist Dr. "C" this past week in Independence ,right behind where I'll be having my chemo.

Radiation is a highly targeted, and effective way to destroy cancer cells in the breast that may stick around after surgery. Radiation can reduce the risk of breast cancer recurrence by about 70%. Although I had surgery, that alone cannot guarantee that every last cancer cell has been removed from my breast area. Radiation therapy uses a high-energy beam to damage cancer cells and normal cells as well. However, cancer cells cannot repair themselves, whereas, normal cells are better able to repair themselves and survive the treatment.

Radiation treatments will not begin until about a month after chemo finishes, but when I do start, I will have 33 treatments of radiation. 25 of those will be directed to my entire upper right chest from just below my breast, over to my sternum, up to just about my collar bone and all underneath my arm to include the lymph nodes. The last 8 treatments will be a "boost" to just my scar site areas (by then they will be a scars). These 33 treatments will take 6 1/2 weeks to complete, going in daily Mon-Friday for about 10-15 minutes each treatment. Once a week I will meet with the Dr. and once a week I have a consult with the oncology nurse to cover skin care, side affects and other issues that might arise. Sunburn and fatigue are the most common side affects to these treatments. Although the doctor did say that some people experience nausea, he didn't expect that to happen. Some damage to the remaining lymph nodes may occur which will increase the risk of lymphodema. The most serious risk I face is scarring on the tip of my lung. That scarring will remain a "monitoring" issue for the rest of my life.

Dave seemed to be comfortable with the nurse and doctor. Maybe I was just having an off day, but I didn't get warm fuzzies with this group. So far, everyone we've met at the Cleveland Clinics have been warm and compassionate and experts in their field. It's not that Dr. C and his nurse, weren't, but .....I don't know, I just didn't have the peace I've had with the others. I may continue to search for a radiation oncologist. I have time.

In the mean time, I have a PET scan this Wednesday (June 17th) at Hillcrest Hospital (a Cleveland Clinic branch). I am praying that there are no surprises. A PET scan is a Positron Emission Tomography nuclear test. A radioactive solution (tracer) will be injected into my veins and then I get to "rest" for about 45 minutes while it travels throughout my body. When they scan me, the dye puts off energy so they can see all my organs and tissue. If there is any cancer present it will light up like Christmas tree lights. I'm hoping my technician doesn't dream of sugar plums while watching my scan.

I will update again once we get results back from the test. Hopefully we know something before I go into the MUGA scan. More on that later.

Thanks for all your prayers as we continue on this journey.

Be Still My Soul

2009-06-04T00:12:00.007-04:00

It’s been a rough week. We met with the Medical Oncologist on Friday the 29th. Dr. Coffman read over my report and informed us that chemo would be needed. We told him what Dr. Levy had informed us of, about the study showing chemotherapy not adding much value than taking Tamoxifen alone. He said that once cancer enters the lymph nodes, it enters the lymph system. To ignore that would not be wise. Chemo cuts down the chances of re occurrence by 50% between women who take the chemo and those that do not. That is a significant percentage. His argument was convincing. So…..I get chemotherapy.

I will have a cocktail mix of Taxotere, Adriamycin and Cytoxan which will take about an hour and a half to infuse into my IV. Before those medicines are given I will get a mix of medications infused first to help me combat side effects of these drugs. That is another half hour. I will receive 6 treatments spread out about 14-21 days apart, beginning July 1st with each treatment lasting about 2-3 hours. Due to the nature of chemo and the way it compromises the body, these treatments may stretch out farther. Treatments may be delayed if my white blood counts drop too low, if I get a cold, if I get some of the common side effects or if any of the common side effects turn serious.

I was told that my prescribed drugs will make me lose my hair and that “being sick” wasn’t inevitable. I am trying to find the upside to all this. Dr. Coffman told us that that when my hair grows back, it will be thicker and curlier than before. ..Thicker is good. Until then, I’ll be like my great Aunt Cleta..”Let me grab my wig”! (inside family memory). Another benefit to chemo, I won’t need to shave my legs for awhile! Pat S would LOVE that side effect with summer coming!

Before I begin chemo I will have a few more visits to doctors and hospitals. I meet with my radiation oncologist, Dr. “C”, on June 8th to discuss radiation treatment, when it begins and how long it will be once chemo is over. On June 17th I will go to Hillcrest hospital for a PET scan to check my entire body for any cancer that may be lurking. On June 24th I go back to Hillcrest for a MUGA scan. The MUGA scan (MUlti Gated Acquisition scan) is a test that produces a moving image of the heart. From this image, the health of my heart’s major pumping chamber (the left ventricle) can be assessed. Adriamycin, one of the drugs that will be used on me, can be toxic to the heart muscle, and can lead to heart failure. This scan is to establish a baseline on my heart, and to rule out pre-existing cardiac disease.

As if the chemo blow wasn’t enough, one of the possible after effects to surgery reared it’s ugly head this week. Lymph fluid has been building up under my arm. Because they removed 3 lymph nodes, the lymph fluid is having difficulties finding their super highway. They have yet to ask direction to the nearest node. I became so uncomfortable with the swelling and hardness under my arm that I finally called the doctor’s office. No one had told me to expect this, so I was just sure something was terribly wrong. Debbie, one of Dr. Levy’s nurses, informed me that this is not uncommon, and to come on in and they would “stick a needle in it and drain the fluid”. (Well didn’t that just sound lovely). She assured me that I should still be numb and won’t feel it. Well the good news is she was right, I didn’t feel it. The bad news is, she says this could occur again for up to six months, but I should tolerate it as long as possible before coming in again. Here’s the scoop, I was told I have to avoid blood sticks, blood pressure cuffs, bug bites, cuts, burns, and even manicures on my right side from here on out as my lymph nodes struggle to process infections in the absence of a few nodes. So sticking a needle in my armpit is not ideal. Last night I noticed the fluid is already beginning to build up again. ...Drats.

Between the news, the discomfort, and the emotional toll we’ve been taking lately, it really has been a hard week. I have been struggling to get my focus back on God and give it all to Him. Today I was finally able to pray and begin to give it to Him. I’m still working on it. I’ve been playing praise and worship songs all day on my iPod and on the house stereo. Then one of the songs spoke to me. Be Still My Soul. That is a command. Hush, settle down soul and listen to God’s promises.

Be still my soul! The Lord is on your side!
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide in every change, He faithful to remain.
Be still my soul! The waves and winds still know His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Oh what peace we often forfeit. Oh, what needless pain we bear. All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Why does it always take so long to run into my Father’s arms when I hurt, when I fear? I suffer needlessly because I don’t carry EVERYTHING to God in prayer. Be still my soul the Lord is on your side! I hate feeling sick, I’ll look horrible bald, I really fear IV needles… Be still my soul! God is on your side. “Fear not, for I am with you”. “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life”? “You of little faith, why are you so afraid”?. “ I sought the Lord and He heard my voice; He delivered me from all my fears”. Be still my soul! The Lord is on your side.

Forgive me Abba Father for not running to You when I am afraid. I run and hide letting fear and doubt torture me when all the while you are calling my name to come to You. Oh Lord, hold me close. Help me to seek You quicker in the midst of this and deliver me from all my fears.

Be still my soul. Hush! The Lord is on my side.

Perfect Timing

2009-05-26T23:17:00.007-04:00

I had my follow up appointment with Dr. Levy today. First, a doctor came in that I had met shortly while being sedated in the pre-op room and gently investigated my incisions and surrounding area. I wish I could remember her name, as I really liked her. She then covered the report she held in her hand, stating information we already were aware of as well as some new information. The cancer they removed was 1 centimeter (2.5 centimeters is an inch) it was a grade 1, which is slow growing. They removed 3 lymph nodes, which upon initial biopsy looked to be all clean, however, upon closer inspection, the first lymph node removed contained a “carcinoma”… Ok, that was news. She then proceeded to inform us that typically they recommend medication at 1 centimeter or more, none for less than 1 centimeter and because I also indicated cancer in a lymph node she was sure they would recommend medication. I, being naïve, assumed the medication she was speaking of was Tamoxifen. Dave on the other hand asked “Chemotherapy?” to which she replied “yes”, … I could not tell you what else she said after that.

After she left the room, I sat stunned for a moment, managed to blurt out “Crap”, grabbed a Kleenex and hopped back on the table to await Dr. Levy. Dave came to me and gave me a hug then we both sat stunned. Eventually Dr. Levy came in, washed his hand, and began to poke around my incisions forgetting that I was under them and still fresh from surgery. After satisfying himself that no lymph node fluid was building up inside or infection was present, he declared me “looking good” and proclaimed I could begin to resume “normal activity”.

Dr. Levy then began to restate what the previous doctor told us, and informed us he would get phone numbers to oncologist in the Independence branch (as it is a bit closer to home). He said the oncologist could recommend removal of more lymph nodes, although he doubts any cancer would be in any more nodes and would note it that he does not recommend any more to be removed. He also informed us there is a test that could be done, a genetic mapping, that would show if the cancer tissue removed will likely come back in the future, or not. (I will insist on this test!). Dr. Levy said there are some studies out now that suggest that Chemotherapy does not add any more value than taking Tamoxifen alone. However, he was careful to remind us he was not an oncologist and we should consult with one before we make any decisions. Each cancer is different. I have made an appointment for this coming Friday the 29th, in Independence, to consult with a medical oncologist that will handle any treatment that I may need now that surgery is over. Chemo or not, I will still need radiation and most likely Tamoxifen. Needless to say that I spent the majority of today trying to process this information.

Later this afternoon, a friend from church brought over dinner and dessert for us. (Thank you to Donna (and Angeli), Kacie and Joann for wonderful meals that were lovingly and thoughtfully prepared for us, all were delicious!) Shortly after Joann left, a beautiful basket of violets, butterflies and vines, as well as a box of chocolates, were delivered from the local florist sent from my co-workers at Verizon Wireless. My brother, Tim, called to check in with me just about the time the flowers and chocolates arrived, and my other brother Rick stopped by tonight to see how I was doing and to give me a much-needed hug.

I have received prayers, cards, texts, e-mails, comments on my blog, meals, flowers and chocolates, and calls during this journey and I want to let you all know that each and every one have come at a perfect time, when I needed them the most. I cherish each of you and feel humbled by your generosity and spirit of compassion. Thank you just doesn’t seem to be enough. Thank you for allowing God to work His perfect timing through you.

Flowers and chocolates that arrived today from my friends at Verizon Wireless.

She's Home!

2009-05-21T15:05:00.003-04:00

Hello All,

This is Jenny, writing in place of mom today. I want to first off thank ALL of you for your prayers, calls, texts, e-mails and comments! They have meant so very much to Mom, and us, you guys are wonderful!

I can sum up the surgery in two words...are you ready...? PRAISE GOD. :)

Yup! It went well. We had to have Mom at the hospital at 7:30 this morning, to which we arrived a bit early - and then waited. Brian and John (our pastor and friends from church) arrived shortly before they called and took Mom to the back...without me or Dad! There, I am assuming, they went over the check list (did you eat, do you have contacts in, this is what is happening...) and they had her change and put the IV in her. After that Dad and I were allowed to go back and join her, where we were then told about how long we should expect to wait, and when we would talk to people afterwards. After this, and the introductions to the nurses, I went and retrieved Brian and John from the waiting room and they got to come back and see Mom and pray over her. They had given her some anesthesia when I had left, so by this point, she was starting to get sleepy. The doctor came while we were praying, so when the prayer was done they had her get into the wheelchair and they took her off.

Fast forward an hour and a half later and Dad and I were called back to recovery to watch Mom wake up. The doctor came in with a smile on his face and said that the surgery went well and he was pleased. They got a clean margin around the tumor, they had to take out 3 lymph nodes, but each was cancer free, and she had no drain! WOO HOO! Her vitals were all normal, and they had her munching on some shortbread cookies and a ginger ale...what a breakfast! After all our updates Dad went out and told John and Brian the news, bid John goodbye and Brian came back to check on Mom himself and pray over her again. After Mom had woken up some more, and the nurse went over the precautions and wound care information with us, we were able to bring her right home! No over night stays! Mom is currently sleeping in her own bed.

I bet you understand now why I said it could all be summed up with the words "Praise God"! Every step was an answer to prayer... and you, our dearest family and friends, have been a blessing with all of your love, prayers and support. I thank you all for your diligent care of Mom.

God bless you all.

The Time has Finally Come.

2009-05-20T16:14:00.004-04:00

The time has finally come to remove this cancer from my body. We need to be at the hospital tomorrow (May 21st) at 7:30 am. Although I am not looking forward to surgery, I am looking forward to starting the process to be well again. First step...surgery.

When we met with the nurse last week she told us of all the issues we may encounter. I may need a drain under my arm if my lymph nodes produce too much fluid or don't re-route right away, I may have to spend the night due to pain, bleeding, etc. I am asking for prayer that I come out of this surgery in the best possible shape I can be in and will not need a drain or need to spend the night.

Thank you all for your prayers through this process. I have felt encouraged and focused on God through it all.

I will have Jenn update the blog tomorrow to let you all know that things went well (speaking from faith!), until then thank you for continued prayers.

All Shook Up

2009-04-30T09:12:00.005-04:00

I'm all shook up! No, I'm not singing an Elvis song.

J received some news this week that really shook me to the core. My heart is aching for her as she walks down this newest path that is being put before her. She shared with me yesterday and it really hit me hard. First my heart was breaking for her and her husband as they weigh options, make plans and figure out how to deal with this news.

Next Satan came at me hard, toying with me that this "thing" that my body has to host for another 3 weeks is growing out of control as I wait and wait. I woke up yesterday with shooting pains and experienced them on and off all day. So of course ole Beelzabub takes the very real and twists them into lies to torture me. And I was too tired to put up a good fight. I let him taunt me.

That was yesterday.

Today I'm fightin' mad! Hebrews 4: 14-16 says (CEV) 14We have a great high priest, who has gone into heaven, and he is Jesus the son of God. That is why we must hold on to what we have said about him. 15Jesus understands every weakness of ours, because he was tempted in every way that we are. But he did not sin! 16So whenever we are in need, we should come bravely before the throne of our merciful God. There we will be treated with undeserved kindness, and we will find help.

In Mark 4:40 (CEV) Jesus asked this simple question. "Why were you afraid? Don't you have any faith?" I admit, I had none yesterday. Hebrews 11:1 says Faith makes us sure of what we hope for and gives us proof of what we cannot see. And if we back up to chapter 10, the writer encourages me by saying "35Keep on being brave! It will bring you great rewards. 36Learn to be patient, so that you will please God and be given what he has promised." And the promises of God are many!

God, forgive me for doubting that You are in control, and as my father I should know You want what is best for me. Your mercies are new every morning. I know that God is always at work for the good of everyone who loves him. (Rom 8:28) Help me Father to daily put on the armor that You give me, so I can defend myself against the devils tricks. I am not fighting against humans, I am fighting against the forces and powers in the spiritual realm. Help me learn to run to You first, to have faith in Your word, so that it becomes my sheild against the flaming arrows of the evil one. I want to be standing firm when this battle is over. (Eph 6)

Run and hide Satan, I'm doin' the shakin' now!

A Lighter Side

2009-04-20T16:31:00.005-04:00

My brother Tim has helped me see the silver lining in having breast cancer. A conversation we had via e-mail started after he read my last update in which I spoke about the technicalities of my surgery and the removal of cancer, some lobes, nodes, etc.

Tim's response was : "You don’t need all those lobes and ducts and lobular milk stuff anyway, its way overrated. Probably make you run faster. "
True! And IF I ran, I'm just sure I would notice the difference.

While trying to explain to a friend why the Dr. wants me to take Tamoxifen, I told her "...Tamoxifen is an estrogen blocker, kinda like a histamine blocker, but not... my cancer eats estrogen for breakfast, lunch and dinner, so we are putting it on a diet. "

From what I read, I'll be the envy of every woman when I gain curves in places I've never had them. My aunt Billie has always told me I'm too skinny. She always says "You need some meat on them bones"! Well Aunt Billie it appears you may get your little hearts desire.

To quote Tim again....."See, there’s always a silver lining."

Update: Met the Surgeon

2009-04-15T18:58:00.003-04:00

Dave, Jenny and I met with Dr. Levy today. He is a very patient, gentle, man. We all liked him.

What we found out is that my cancer is less than one centimeter, which is just under 1/2 an inch. It is estrogen positive. The cancer tumor is mixed in ductal and lobular areas which means that the tumor is in the duct but is also in the lobes. (Lobes produce milk and then the milk flows down the ducts to exit the breast). This will make it more difficult to get a clean margin of tissue as there are many lobes. He didn't say it, but this will most likely mean a larger area will need to be removed.

While in surgery Dr. Levy will perform a sentinel node biopsy in which he will inject a blue dye and will follow that dye to the first lymph node and then the second, etc. He will then remove 1-3 nodes for biopsy. A second incision will be made under my right arm to remove those nodes. The results from the node biopsy will come back while I am still in surgery and will determine if they can stop or have to take more nodes.

Dr. Levy suggested that I should take about 1-2 weeks off to recover from surgery and then about a week after that begin radiation treatment along with the drug Tamoxifen. Dave and I will begin researching these treatment options to decide if this will be the path that we decide to take. (I am not a fan of Tamoxifen and it's many side affects, some of which can be worse than breast cancer).

As of right now, surgery will be a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy and is scheduled for May 21st. (Yes another month to wait).

Due to Dr. staffing issues and the fact that my cancer is non-aggressive, Dr. Levy needs to put us off for about 3 weeks. That puts us right at the time of Kelly's graduation from Medical school. He agreed with us that is important for us to attend the graduation and important to Mike and Kelly for us to be there, so we should attend, but "get in after that". I then tried to push my luck by telling him that two of my best friends were coming for a visit on May 20th and leaving Memorial Day morning..and they already had their plane tickets. He just said, "well it's never a good time. We need to get you into surgery". Drats. Sorry Chris and Celia... I tried.

Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. I wish we could get through this faster, but that doesn't seem to be my destiny. Thank you bearing this wait with me.

In Jesus' Name, We Press On

2009-04-14T09:11:00.005-04:00

When the valley is deep
When the mountain is steep
When the body is weary
When we stumble and fall

In Jesus' name, we press on
In Jesus' name, we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on.

When the choices are hard
When we're battered and scarred
When we've spent our resources
When we've given our all

In Jesus' name, we press on
In Jesus' name, we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on

I heard this song on the radio this morning as I drove into work. I immediately thought of J and what she is having to endure this morning. Hang on tight J, and press on.

PEACE

2009-04-12T13:59:00.002-04:00

I have peace about this journey with breast cancer. I have moments or hours when I feel no peace, and I become nauseous thinking and worrying about what is to come. But most days, I have peace.

Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary describes peace as “a state of tranquility or quiet, freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions”.

There are parents and spouses all over this world with loved ones off to war. Parents have children involved in drugs or other destructive actions. Some have family members who have horrible diseases. Too many of us know someone who has lost their job and are worried about where the money will come from to put food on the table or pay the next bill. Some struggle with aging parents and aren’t sure how to cope with role reversal, or a serious illness, or even just the demands on time due to Mom or Dad’s loneliness.

How do we have peace, true peace, when situations that are out of our control are not peaceful?

The bible says in John 14:27 (CEV) “I (God) give you peace, the kind of peace that only I can give. It isn’t like the peace this world can give. Don’t be worried or afraid”.

Philippians 4:6, 7 says (CEV) “Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel”

Ah, there it is. Pray about everything and then, because I belong to Jesus Christ, God will bless me with His special kind of peace. The kind of peace where people ask me “How can you be so calm about this”? I cannot explain it any other way, except that I belong to Jesus and I know that no matter what happens, He will see me through each situation so that when it is finished it can be said that God was in the midst of it.

I have always loved the old hymn by Horatio G. Spafford, It Is Well with My Soul. One verse in particular seems to fit very well during this trying time. Like Horatio , I have the peace that passes all understanding. I hope you find the following verse and refrain as comforting as I do.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Superwoman!... NOT

2009-04-07T13:37:00.009-04:00

I was diagnosed in March 2009 with breast cancer. I consult with a surgeon at Cleveland Clinic on April 15th to find out what is next along my path. Although I am not looking forward to the days ahead, I am anxious to find out what my journey is going to look like.

Just a few weeks before I was diagnosed, a friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer also. She (J) has already had surgery to remove the mass from one of her breast. She has started a 5 year regimen of Tamoxifen. She was told it makes you gain weight. Great! Just what every woman wants to hear. She recently underwent a breast MRI that revealed 2 more lumps in her other breast. J met with her surgeon again today. Afterwards I got a text from her... "Can't do this"! I immediately sent her Ph 4:13 I can do ALL things through Christ which strengthens me. I then called her as I sensed she needed to talk. Uh yeeaah! They informed her they were not going to biopsy this one, located behind her nipple. Instead they were going to perform a wire guided surgery to remove them. That is, they insert wires to surround and pinpoint the lumps so that when they go into surgery they know exactly where the lumps are. (click here for more information) I've had one of those years ago for a benign lump. It was not pleasant. They also informed her they cannot numb her. Wha...??!!! Are you crazy?? I thought torture was illegal in the U.S.! It was bad enough under the guise of being numb (insert needle, shoot numbing stuff, insert wire...not exactly numb when he started). J, I will be praying for you.

Which brings me back to the scripture I sent J. I used to think that scripture said, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Well to my surprise it doesn't say that. It says I can do all things through Christ WHICH strenghtens me. Which means I will be able to do these things (with Christ by my side) and because of what I will go through I will be strengthened. Like iron in the fire. Hmm, I need to ponder that. I 've always been in the mindset of 'superwoman"! You know, Christ will give me supernatural powers to be faster than a speeding bullet and all that stuff. (picture Superman, not feeling the bullet, but catching it!) So, I'm still just me and I still have to endure what I go through, but I will come out the other side stronger for having gone through it. That means I HAVE to trust Christ to get me through it.

God, I believe. Help my unbelief.

2009-04-07T13:36:00.001-04:00

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