Let the Rays Begin!

Monday December 21st began my radiation therapy. I go in daily to work, then at 11:35 a.m.leave for the cancer center, which is located across the street and down 2 driveways. I sit in the waiting room for usually no more than 5 minutes before they call me back for treatment. On Monday’s they weigh me (can you say motivation?) before I slip inside a tiny closet to change out of my top into a lovely hospital gown. I then wait (sometimes not at all) in another small waiting area just outside those tiny closets until they call my name.

The room where the treatment is given is a large room with one of those uncomfortable “beds” in the center of the room. At the head of the bed is a huge machine that delivers the treatments to my body. Once I lie down on the bed and grab the bars behind and at the top of my head, and they place a bolster behind my knees, they begin the process of lining my tattooed dots up with the intersection beams in the room. I keep wanting to scoot myself to help them, but they tell me to lie still and let them do the work. They lower the lights in the room so that they can see the laser beams better against my skin. They then take the sheet I am lying on and slide it to just where they need me to be, then one of the two begin calling out numbers to the other as they line me up perfectly with the beams of the machine as it begins to hover over me. Once they are satisfied that it is “perfect” they turn the lights up and leave the room.

The machine is positioned at two different angles and each angle administers two different doses. The first dose typically lasts about 15 seconds and is accompanied by a high pitch buzzing sound. The second dose lasts about 5 seconds with a lower buzzing sound. I count every time I hear the buzzing begin and each time it is slightly different. Sometimes the first dose is 14 seconds, and at times it has lasted as long as 17 seconds. The machine then angles to the other side of me and repeats the same sequence of doses. The only time the therapists come back into the room is after the machine has switched sides. They insert some type of plate over the dosing screen before the long dose is administered. I asked my therapist about the timing and she said the machine is loaded with my dose. The seconds, or half-seconds’ differences from day to day depends on the humidity in the room, my body temperature and the moisture in my body and even the weather outside. The machine knows the exact dose to administer regardless of the conditions surrounding it, and adjusts itself accordingly.

The entire process in the treatment room typically takes no more than 10 minutes, which is a good thing as my arms are usually falling asleep by then from being over my head. The therapist come back in and lowers the bed while the machine goes back to home plate. They then bid me good day, “see you tomorrow” and I go back to my tiny closet to dress for the outside world.

Every Wednesday I have appointments to meet with the radiation nurse and the radiology oncologist to discuss any side affects and have any questions I may have answered. Last week was my first appointment and already the doctor noticed swelling and some “pink”. He advised taking some Advil to relieve the tenderness but assured me all is well. I notice heat radiating into my coat as I am driving to finish up my work day at home. There is slight irritation and tenderness already, so as soon as I get home and log onto my work computer, I make myself comfortable and apply moisturizing lotion to the affected area. The heat I feel is a real indication to the burning that is happening to both the good and bad cells in my body. I know that radiation is for the best, but it is a little freaky knowing that good cells are getting burned up in this process too.

To date, I haven’t started glowing, so I’m not a dead give-a-way while playing hide and seek just yet. My eyelashes and eyebrows have begun to grow back in as well as the hair on my head. However it will be quite a while before scarves and wigs are put aside to make way for a new short hairstyle. Radiation will have no affect on the growth of my hair, so by late spring/early summer I should be able to don my new “do” to the world outside of home.

I understand that things will get a little tougher before they get better, but Dave, Jenn and I are looking forward to a healthier and happy year in 2010. I pray each of you have a better year too. Happy New Year!

X Marks the Spot!

Monday I met once again in a consult with Dr. C and his nurse and heard again how radiation “finishes” what my surgery started and how fatigue and sunburn are the only expected side affects I should experience. They said the fatigue with radiation is not as bad as chemo, that‘s a plus! The numbers of treatment have declined from the original proposed 33 treatments to now only 31. That’s like a sale where they mark off .50¢….on a leather jacket.

I went in two days later for a “simulation”. This is where my therapist marked me for precision radiation. A simulation is a CAT scan that creates a 3D image of me to map out my heart and lungs so that those are protected during radiation. We don’t want to destroy any healthy cells that shouldn’t be part of the radiation process. First Jennifer, my therapist, lined me up on the “bed”. I have no clue why they call it a bed as it is unlike any bed I’ve ever slept on. It was hard and uncomfortable, but I digress. She then marked me with an X, with a fine tip marker, where the laser beams in the room intersected me. She applied sticky tape with wires inside them to create borders as the CAT scan doesn’t recognize borders, only bones and tissue. Once the doctor approved the lines and borders, she scanned me. After the scan she took all the metal tape off and tattooed the X marks with a tiny dot in the center of each X. I’m living wild now, I’ve got tats!

I will go in again on the 18th of Dec for another simulation. This will insure that the “map” of my body lines up perfectly with me. Providing this is all perfect, I start daily radiation treatments Dec 21st and will end Feb 3rd. If you’re wondering, like I did... no, they don’t “do” holidays. So my first two weeks will be 4 day weeks versus 5 day weeks. I will still have 31 treatments regardless of the Friday holidays.

The nurse let me know that the first two weeks are the easiest. She said the body can repair itself after each treatment and I will hardly notice any difference. However by the end of the 2nd week, the body runs out of steam trying to repair destroyed cells daily and struggles to heal itself from that point on. That is when I will begin experiencing fatigue. They think I shouldn’t begin any discomfort from ray burns until after the first two weeks, however, as I am fair skinned we will have to “play it by ear” as to how quickly I react to the rays.

I am not allowed to wear deodorant or powder or any other topical solutions on the area to be radiated as it will act like oil on a sunbather’s body and enhance the burn. I learned that I haven’t had to wear deodorant under my right arm since surgery as they removed sweat glands when they removed lymph nodes. This was news to me, but there’s another silver lining. It will take twice as long to use up my deodorant as it has in the past. Think of all the money I could have saved if I’d known that earlier!

Thanks for sticking in there with me, only 6 ½ weeks of radiation. Drug therapy will begin once radiation is done, but, one step at time. Love you all.

Overdue Update

I apologize for not updating the blog for awhile. Many of you have called or texted for updates, so I realized I am long overdue. Here's what has happened since my final chemo session.

Dave and I met with Dr. Coffman on Nov 6th for a follow up to my last chemo session. My CBC (complete blood count) showed that my red blood counts had gone up a whole point from 9.6 to 10.6. Thanks for your prayers, (Thank you God), I did not need another Aranesp (iron) shot! I had already began to start feeling stronger and have continued to do so since then. Dr.Coffman released me to go back to work and told me he wanted to give me another month to regain my strength and energy before starting radiation. The front office staff set an appointment with Dr. "C", my radiology oncologist, before we left that day.

I started back to work the following Monday, November 9th. I knew it would take awhile to acclimate to a work schedule, but I didn't realize how exhausted I would be. Even now I am still coming home tired and typically falling asleep on the couch by 8:30 at night. Thankfully my boss has allowed me to work from home when I feel I need to, so I have taken advantage of that option a few days a week. Mentally it has been a real boost for me to go back to work. I am no longer a patient 24x7, or thinking about cancer or treatments or the next doctor's appointment all the time. My teammates have been great helping me catch up on what took place during my absence and have helped me remember policies that I have forgotten so that I can assist my stores.

Wednesday before Thanksgiving I had my first port flush. I had forgotten to put my Lydocaine on before leaving the house, and I drove myself, along with my SIL Donna, so I couldn't put it on in the car. I did put it on once I pulled up outside the cancer center 5 minutes early and waited to go in until the last possible moment. Once inside the nurse told me that we would do a CBC to check to see if I needed another Aranesp shot. I told her I was under the impression that I was there just for a port flush. She looked in my file and said she didn't even have that down. (OK, scary). Then I told her that I shouldn't need another Aranesp shot as my counts were up to 10.6 the last time I was here. She again looked at my file and said she showed my counts at 9.7 the last time I was in on Oct 13th. (Getting nervous now). I informed her that Oct 13th was my last chemo session and that I had been in since then and my counts were up when I was in last. She finally figured out that when I visited Dr. Coffman those nurses put everything in the computer and didn't print things out to put in my file.

By the time we got all the reports figured out 20 minutes had passed by and I was hoping the Lydocaine would be working. The nurse punched the needle into my port and I realized quickly that 20 minutes is not enough time to numb sufficiently. Ouch! Then to make matters worse nurse Barb couldn't get my blood to flow. After lying me back, having me turn my head, pushing on my port and trying for way too long to get blood for the CBC, she was finally successful. My red blood counts came back at 10.8. I was disappointed that I had only gone up 0.2 points but it did explain why I still feel so tired at the end of a day. 45 minutes after we arrived we finally left. I had told Donna that we would only be there 10-15 minutes. Sorry Donna.

Chemo continues to wreak havoc on my body. I have rings on my fingernails and like rings on a tree tell how old it is, the rings on my fingernails tell how many treatments I've had. My fingernails have also begun to lift which make the tips of my fingers tender. I just recently lost the last of my eyebrows and expect to loose what's left of my eyelashes soon. Now that I've gone back to work, I've had to start actively managing my lymphodema (swelling of the lymph nodes). Sitting around, along with gravity, makes my right arm swell. I've had to get a compression sleeve to wear while I'm at work to keep the swelling at bay. On the upside, my energy is improving, my taste buds seem to be fully repaired resulting in putting 5 lbs back on, and I'm getting peach fuzz on my head, so hair is forthcoming!!

My next doctor appointment is set for this coming Wednesday, Dec. 2nd with my surgeon Dr. Levy. This will be my 6 months follow up. It's hard to believe it's been 6 months since my surgery. Next Monday, Dec. 7th is when I meet with Dr. "C" to begin the radiation preliminaries. A mold will have to be made, tattoo's for precision line up have to be gotten and other preliminaries will be administered before I actually start radiation. Once I know when the treatments begin I will let everyone know.

Thank you all for the support you've shown throughout all of this. It's almost done and then I can begin counting my anniversaries of being a survivor.

I Want to Know You More

My final chemo session has been administered. As I posted on Facebook, after waiting for blood counts and approval from the doctor for an agonizing 30+ minutes on Tuesday the 13th, (closer to 45 minutes) the doctor finally approved my final chemo session. Chemo is done! My anemia is still in effect, and the iron shots have not quite kicked in yet, so fatigue is a constant battle. Radiation will not help matters as the rays will continue to take my red blood counts down and keep the anemia going. The cancer center will continue to give me iron injections until my counts reach 10 points. If they reach 8, I was told a blood transfusion takes place. The lowest I’ve been is 9.3. Lets pray my counts remain above 8. They were 9.6 on Tuesday but then chemo will take them lower again before they begin to rise.

I don’t have a radiation schedule as of yet, but have been told it will be about a month after chemo is done, so I am expecting early to mid November before radiation begins. Before I start actual treatments, I will have examinations, pictures taken for precise line up, tatoo’s to “mark the spot” for the same line up each time and who knows what else. So my “break” before radiation begins will be busy it sounds like. Once I start, I will have daily treatments Monday through Friday for 6 ½ weeks. 25 rounds to my upper right quadrant and the last 8 rounds are “boosts” to the surgery sites. I am praying for nominal side affects to radiation. The doctor says everyone is different, but did say if they didn’t make my skin pink they feel they aren’t doing their job correctly. So I expect some burning to take place. I am just hoping that we can keep it down to just “pink” and not the sunburn that my skin is so used to getting when exposed to rays. My pale white skin doesn’t like sunrays much.

I keep wondering and asking the Lord to tell me why He’s allowed me to have to go though breast cancer and the treatments that seem to be so hard on my body. I don’t have that clear blueprint I am wanting, but His word still comes back to me in Jeremiah 29: 11-13 “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” 12 “Then you will call upon Me and pray to Me and I will listen to you.” 13 “You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.”

Verse 11 was Linda’s favorite scripture and Dan and Linda’s pastor expounded on vs. 11 during Linda’s memorial service. I wish I had a tape of his topic it was so good. But God has brought it to my mind over and over again during this entire journey. There is so much to these words. He knows the plans He has for us, for me. I have to trust that plan until He decides to share parts of it with me. But in vs. 12 and 13 God always gives us the other end of the bargain, our part. We are to call upon Him, talk to Him, ...conversations take place here. He listens. Then another promise: “We will find Him when we look for Him with all our hearts. “ This relationship cannot be religious, cannot be half hearted. It has to be with all of our heart. If we approach our relationship with God the way many of us do with our spouses, it just won’t cut it. We have to be more honest and open with God than we allow ourselves to be with our spouses, way more for some of us. We fear retribution or vulnerability when we let down our guards with our spouse. Words shared can be used against us; we don’t dare open up too far. It can’t be so with God. His word says “You will find Me when you seek me with all your heart.” We only get from God what we allow Him to get from us. When we hide, we cannot see God. It’s only when we are more real than we believe we can be that God will reveal Himself to us in like measure.

I don’t have any answers here, just bits and pieces of what God is allowing me to see, allowing me to grow with if I take it to heart. I know I’ve not gone on to share all of my heart with Him. I still cling to what I think He doesn’t know. He knows, He’s just waiting to have that conversation with me, when I can trust Him enough to share it.

What should I fear from God? He promises not to harm me but to prosper me, to give me a hope and a future. What part of this is scary?? My part, letting go, trusting God, letting go of MY control. Trusting someone to not use what is said between us to hurt me. Trusting someone at their word, trusting that someone really is looking out for me, besides me. Sin is the culprit for the human reaction to love, mistrust. God never intended it to be that way. God is calling us to as close to a perfect relationship we can experience here on earth, to trust Him. It’s really hard, but I want that. Don’t you? And in that, I believe God can help us in our earthly relationships too. As we draw closer to God we draw closer to his creation, our spouses, our church members, uniting us to do the will of God without fear of failure or the response to that failure. Imagine having the confidence to go out and do what God has asked us to and not being afraid of failure or the reaction to possible failure. So many times we don’t even get started doing what God has asked us to do, because of our fear of failure. I know I can’t count how many times I’ve stopped or not even started something because I didn’t want to screw it up. We all do that.

Read it again. Jeremiah 29: 11-13 “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” 12 “Then you will call upon Me and pray to Me and I will listen to you.” 13 “You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.”

Father God, help me to open up with all my heart and to seek You, trust You, love You, without any fear. I want to know the plans You have for me. I want to have a hope and a future in You. I don’t want to waste this journey of breast cancer or the impact on the lives of the people You have brought into my life through it. Help me to let go of myself, my control and to open up to You like I never have. I want to know you more.

Rest

It is with deep sorrow and yet peace of heart that I must tell you that Linda passed on to heaven yesterday morning. Please take a moment to read the Caring Bridge update that Dan posted yesterday as it speaks so beautifully to who Linda really was. She wasn't just a cancer patient, she was so much more and her message will continue to inspire all of us. Linda truly was one tough chick. She never stopped loving our God and never stopped encouraging others to do the same. Please click http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/onetoughchick to read Dan's posting.

Dave's Uncle Chuck was also very recently diagnosed with brain cancer and sometime Friday night passed away. His battle was brief. He will be missed. Please pray for Chuck's wife and family as they mourn his passing.

Needless to say, this has been one very trying year. And now, Dave and I are reeling from yesterday's events as we try to prepare for what to do next. This last round of chemo has left me weak and I've battled fevers and chills. I believe God has allowed my fever to break in order to make arrangements to pay our respects in person to our extended family. Please pray for wise decisions and God's strength in us in the face of adversity, so that we may be a witness to those around us.

4 Down, 2 to Go!

I had my 4th chemo cycle August 31st. I wasn't as fortunate as last time with the side affects, but God has still been with me. I did not have the need to take any sleep aids and have taken very few anti-nausea pills this time. However, my blood counts have taken me to new lows and I am now anemic. This results in low energy levels and having to watch when I stand up too quickly, bend over, turn my head...... The first week and a half after this treatment, passing out or almost passing out was a bit too common. I think I'm over that part for now.

My birthday was just a few days after this last cycle and Dave wanted to take me out to dinner to celebrate. Not that I felt much like celebrating, but I did want to get out of the house and have a nice meal. Jenn blessed us by joining us. As I was walking out to the car, yet another episode of "Brought to you by Chemotherapy" moment occurred when I almost passed out again. Once that moment passed, Dave asked if we should continue and yes, by golly, I was going!! We arrived at Main Street Cafe on the square in Medina and ordered our meals. When our food arrived, it looked and smelled so good... but lo and behold my taste buds failed me. I could barely taste the food, and the little bit I could taste was tainted by chemotherapy mouth. I have experienced odd (downright nasty) tastes to no taste at all for the past 2-3 cycles and was really hoping that it wasn't going to happen this time, but it did. And on my birthday. How dare it! The good news is, I regain most of my taste before each new sessions, albeit, slightly tainted, but I've learned to deal with it.

Now we are down to 2 more cycles!! My next cycle is Sept. 22nd. I will really begin the countdown then!! My last cycle will be sometime mid October and I should begin to finally start feeling better about 2 weeks after that. During this "time off" I begin meeting with the radiation oncologist for education, molds and pictures.

Thanks to all of you for your continued prayers during this long drawn out process. The end is in site for chemotherapy!! I will continue to keep you updated. Thanks for sticking in there with me.

Round 3

Round 3 of chemotherapy was completed on August 10th. That means I am halfway through!

This cycle began with a visit with the oncologist. Dave dropped Jenn and I off at the cancer center as he had a meeting at another hospital. He assumed he would be back in time for the actual chemo treatment. Jenn and I waited for Dr. Coffman to come into the room for awhile. When he finally made it in, he performed his exam, asking questions about how I reacted to the last treatment and assuring himself that my side affects weren't extreme. He listened to my heart and belly sounds and was satisfied that I was healthy enough to take on the next round of chemo. When we left the examination room, the nurse told me to pick a chair and they would be with me soon.

After waiting about an hour, a nurse that was not mine that day, took my blood pressure and temperature and accessed my port for blood. Normally, this part is no big deal. That day I felt the full wrath of the port needle as it pierced my skin. I had applied the Lydocaine to my port right before leaving the house, as always, however the Lydocaine had been on for over 2 hours since leaving the house and had lost it's potency. Ouch! Once that nurse had finished, Jenn and I waited for about another half an hour before my nurse, Rhonda, finally came to begin administering my pre-meds. I had texted Dave and told him not to rush as I had not even started my pre-meds yet, but he arrived shortly after she began administering them. Once my nurse hung the first drug of Taxotere, I told Dave and Jenn to go get some lunch as that would take about an hour to infuse. I didn't want them sitting there watching me while their bellies were growling. Thankfully they complied and left to grab some Thai food just down the road.

By the time Dave and Jenn came back from lunch the second batch of meds had just begun being administered. Dave took several phone calls that day and spent almost the entire time outside on the phone. Jenn brought a book and read. Other than our rocky beginning, the rest was uneventful.

Each cycle has been different for me and this one was no exception. I had the normal queasiness (the drugs they give me to take at home work really well against this nasty side affect), however nothing else about this cycle was normal! But this is a good thing!! I never once lost my energy during this cycle!! I kept waiting for the ball to drop, so to speak, but it never did. I praise God for answering prayer. The last cycle was horrible to my energy level to the point where it was hard to get out of bed. I laid around most days not even having mental energy to want to do anything. I know many of you prayed for me and God was generous in His mercy! Thank you for your prayers.

My next treatment is August 31st then after that one I only have 2 more left!! Thank you all for your prayers, encouraging words, texts, phone calls and cards. You have given me the encouragement to keep on keeping on!

Caution! Serious Pondering Ahead.

With my next chemo cycle quickly approaching, I have been thinking about how God answers prayers. Some prayers have been answered just as we have asked them to be, as in the evidence of the lack of nasty side affects for me, especially during this past cycle. Other prayers are being answered but not in the way we hope for. It's during these times I question my trust in God. I have friends that are faced with job loss, I have family and friends in the midst of serious illnesses some of which are curable, some are not. I have asked God, "How can this bring glory to you?" I don't have the answer but I realize this is where I have to trust God to do what is best. I have to keep in mind that God sees the big picture, where I am selfish and only want what is best for me and mine.

I have read about martyrs in the past and present who have been willing to sacrifice their own personal safety and lives in order to carry out the "big picture" for God. I admire them... from afar. I've never been in a position of being threatened with my life or being beaten and demanded to deny my faith in God or to stop telling others about God. These people have great faith that God has placed them in that exact position for a purpose. I have wondered if I were in that position, would I crumble and do what my captors were demanding of me? Could I trust God that He had placed me in that position to do His will and would I be brave enough to carry it out regardless of the known outcome?

I ask God "Why isn't that person being healed?" or "Why is this other person being put through a job loss and financial hardships?" These people believe in God. In my selfish world, God makes us comfortable, He heals us, makes sure we have enough money...right? Instead of wondering why God isn't doing "good things" for us, I should be wondering what it is I can do for God. Is there a reason why I have to go through breast cancer, or a reason my friend may loose their job, or someone else their life? Are we making the most of the hardships God is allowing by sacrificing our desires to be healed or be financially stable in order to be a part of the bigger picture? It's hard to think that way especially when we don't understand how our circumstances could possibly help God's plan? Are we willing to sacrifice our life for God? If we're honest, most of us would say "No!" It's uncomfortable to think about, yet think about it I do.

I must admit, I've gotten angry at God for not answering my prayers the way I want them answered. I do not understand why He allows certain things to happen. After I've thrown my temper tantrum, God always restores peace to me. Not answers, but peace in the fact that He does love us and like any good parent, only gives us what we can handle. I am always left with the reality that it's not about me (I know it's hard to believe, but it's true), but it's about God and reaching those who have not yet seen the need for a relationship with Him. Reaching those who have not come to the realization that we fail miserably as humans yet God loves us anyway and wants us to have purpose on earth, and to live out eternity in the greatest love that we have yet to experience.

There is a song that I sing that contain the words below;

Spirit of the living God, fall fresh on me.

Melt me, mold me, fill me, use me.

I want to be filled and used by God, but I have to learn to trust God during the melting and molding stage that what He is doing, as painful as it may be, is for the best. How can we become willing vessels to be used by God if we aren't willing to be shaped into the vessel He needs us to be? Is someone watching me as I go through this hardship and if they are, are they seeing God, or seeing me whine and complain? Am I able to set aside my selfish desires long enough to be used to show God's love to someone else?

God speaks to us in the bible to trust Him:

2 Samuel 7:28 O Sovereign Lord, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant.

Ps 4:5 Offer right sacrifices and trust in the Lord.

Ps 9:10 Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.

PS 28:7 The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped...

Ps 37:5 Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this:

Ps 56:3 When I am afraid, I will trust in you.

There are many, many more scriptures that speak about trusting God, but for tonight, Psalm 84:12 speaks volumes " O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you."

Oh Lord, I want to be that woman who is blessed for trusting you. Forgive me for making it about me. Forgive me for not trusting that You have all the answers and that you will reveal them to me only when I can handle it. Forgive me for thinking that my life should be perfect when there are so many lives in this world that are not. Father make me the vessel You need me to be, then fill me and use me as You see fit. Help me to not complain during the melting and molding process. Use me Father to reach someone else who needs to see You as a loving God and come into a personal relationship with you. Amen

Ok! Ok! So I stretched it a little......

My apologies for those of you who have talked to me lately and aren't convinced my blog is accurate. Right after I posted the last blog, fatigue kicked in pretty heavily. My energy level took a nose dive and I have been pretty much a couch potato since then. I really didn't mean to sugar coat what is going on with me, but do know that Dave and Jenn are taking very good care of me, making sure I eat and don't over exhaust myself. Please rest assure, even if I had the energy to over do, I wouldn't be allowed.

Thank you for all your concerns. I will get some energy back before the next round of chemo (scheduled Aug. 10Th). Until then, keep those prayers lifted high! I love you all.

Another One Bites the Dust (boom, boom)

I had to choose this title this time. This song was playing in Jenny's and my head as we left the cancer center this week. Round #2 is now done. Thanks to all of you for praying. God was definitely with me this week.

The accessing of my port was relatively painless thanks to some awesome Lidocaine and nurse Barb. There were also no nasty allergic reactions to the medicine this time. We arrived at 10:30 and was out by 2:30, much better than the 7 hour stay the first time. They added to my pre-meds to combat any reactions which included quite a dose of benedryl so that made my head feel really weird and I just wanted to sleep. However, just like when I'm on a plane with lots of people around me, I couldn't sleep during chemo either. I really wanted to, but too much going on around me kept my eyes coming open. Jenn brought a book to read this time and Dave kept busy reading papers and working on his Treo.

The after affects aren't quite as bad this time either. So far the nausea has been minimal, and the fatigue doesn't seem to be as energy zapping as it was the last time. I feel more sleepy rather than drained this time...if that makes any sense. Either way, I'll take it over the first go round.

Jenn threw me a scarf party the Saturday before my chemo session, so that helped to alleviate the fear and anxiety I had been feeling toward my next round. Many ladies showed up and a few sent gifts who couldn't physically attend. We all had a really good time. If you facebook, you can see all the pictures posted there. I will try to post more on my other blog, The Howell Blessings.

Again, I cannot say thank you enough for all the prayers I know you are praying. I do feel them and appreciate them mightly.

I will leave you with a scripture that one of the ladies from the Pink Chain Gang sent me. Psalms 103:17-18 (CEV) The Lord is always kind to those who worship Him. And He keeps His promises to their decendants who faithfully obey Him. Thank you all for obeying Him.

Love, Mindy



Connie (a breast cancer survivor) and me at my Scarf Party